Letters to Camilo

Letter #13

Hi hi hi, I return! I'm so sorry for not updating, I was very sick and nauseous, I couldn't even look at my mobile without feeling like I was gonna be sick. But now I'm feeling good, thankfully, and was able to write last week :)

And 5000 reads!! Omg omg thank you sooooo much!! Really, I can't believe this! Thank you thank you!! I'm thinking about doing a small competition to celebrate it, please let me know if you'll be interested! :)

I loved reading your comments on the previous chapter btw, made me silently squeal in bed ❤️

So here's chapter 13!! We're more than halfway through! Enjoy!

Dear Camilo,

I know that it's pointless continuing to write, but I can’t not write. I just can’t.

When I write what I'm feeling, I kind of feel better I guess? It helps me sort out my feelings, if that makes any sense, to maybe understand better what I'm feeling. It helps me get my emotions out through writing and feel a bit calmer after.

I don't know, all I know is that after writing I feel better and now that I'm used to writing everything to you, I can't not do it anymore.

So I'm back, but now I'm writing to you knowing that I'm not exactly writing to you. As in you won't be reading this letter because you're no longer alive and here, so I'm writing to you because that's what I always did. Even though you'll never get this and read it. Which reminds me, I can no longer send Parce with my letters to the post office, because it's impossible for you to receive them. I really have to ask Parce where the letters I wrote before went, maybe he knows.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, a whole lot, especially since I wasn't writing so I didn't have a place to sort my thoughts out.

But I have been thinking about the thing that happened to you. I know that you're dead and all, which is still very sad and unbelievable. I still find myself hoping that you would return one day before reminding myself that you won't ever do so.

Some days after telling me what happened to you, Dolores also told me that Abuelo was dead too, and told me the story of how we got our miracle again. It made a lot of sense now, I didn't understand it when Abuela told me that story when I was younger.

Dolores told me that Abuelo died because of some very bad people, which got me thinking.

What caused you to die?

She told me that there is always a reason why someone dies, so how did you do so? What happened to you?

I don't really know what causes people to die apart from what happened to Abuelo so I don't have any idea on what happened. There are a lot of ways I think, I just don't know them all so I can't say that I have an idea on what caused you to die. All of this is very confusing and sad. You shouldn't have died.

I would ask Dolores or someone to maybe tell me what was the cause of your death but I can’t right now because everything is super busy.

You probably already know why, because I think dead people know everything, but I still will write this down because it is very big news.

Dolores is going to have a baby!

It is very exciting news, now I won't be the youngest anymore! And I'm going to become an uncle! At only 10 years, well, soon 11. By the time the baby will be born I'll be 11.

She told us this morning after breakfast. We were all obviously very happy for her! We hugged her, but not too tight or else we would hurt her and the baby!

Mamí made a rainbow and papá looked like he was a bit mad at Mariano for some reason, but then he was smiling and happy too, like everyone else.

A lot of questions were asked, and Dolores answered almost all of them. She said that she will answer Isabela's when she talks to her in private, whatever that means.

Now that Dolores is going to have a baby (or babies! We don't know if it's only one or maybe twins or triplets), we have to prepare a lot of stuff. Like the nursery, Mirabel moved out of it long ago when Casita was rebuilt and she got her own room, so now the nursery is full of random stuff that needs to be cleared out and then have it made better fit for a baby.

The baby will need clothes too and bottles and toys and other baby stuff, all of which needs to be bought again. Plus I heard mamí say that Casita needs to be made safer for a baby, especially when they become a toddler and start walking around.

Speaking of mamí, today she also took me a bit to her room to talk to me about what having a baby in the house would mean now. She only told me because since I'm the youngest, this will be the first time for me that there will be someone younger than me as part of our family.

I'll have to be very careful around it and let Dolores and Mariano do most of the work of taking care of the baby. Everything will be a lot busier because babies need a lot of attention and if they need something, it will have to be given to them right away.

She also told me that Dolores will need to rest a lot now, so no more chores for her till the baby getd born. And even after, since she will be so busy with taking care of her child.

Dolores will have the baby in about 6 months, so we have a lot of time to prepare. But we have a lot of things to prepare, so we will be very busy. Especially after the baby is born, mamí said.

So I probably won't have much time to write anymore, which is bad because I love writing and it helps me feel better too. I'll see what I can do, maybe I'll be able to sneak in some time to write before I go to sleep.

I'm hearing tía Julieta call us down for dinner, so that means that I have to go now.

I have to find somewhere to start putting these letters now, since I won't be sending them anymore. I guess I'll have to do it after dinner though.

I'll love you forever and I'll always miss you.

A very big amount of love,
Antonio ❤️

Wait wait, can you still read these letters from heaven? Since I think that you can see us? Have you always been able to read the letters I wrote?

Yeah, Antonio is 10yrs old now… 5yrs have already passed from the very first letter… :')

Also while I was writing this note, I received my exam marks! Those that I said was doing some chapters back. I got a 1 (highest mark,90-100) in physics and maths, which are my favourite subjects and those that I want to take as A Levels!! I also got 4 more subjects as 1, 3 as 2, 1 as 3 and 1 as 4. I'm very happy with myself, especially since the physics and maths exams were hard. :')

Anyways, that's it for this chapter! I'm currently on holiday till Sunday, so I don't know if I'll be able to update next Sunday. We don't even have wifi in our rooms, I'm posting this from the hotel reception where there's a wifi connection :|

I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and see you next time! ❤️