Letters to Camilo

Letter #16

This is very late, I know, my period came last week and this time I was feeling way worse than usual, but it's over now, thankfully :)

I feel like a lot of you are going to hate me for this chapter lol, sorry not sorry :D

This is pt. 1 of the reason why Camilo died, enjoyyy!

Dear Camilo,

What is even happening anymore?

Why is this happening?

Why did this have to happen? To you?

Why you?

I don't understand. I can't understand.

Why? Just why?

Out of all people in the world, why you? Why not someone else, I don't care anymore.

It's just not fair, life's not fair, nothing's fair, I hate it I hate this I hate everything and I hate them and I feel like I'm gonna explode or break something I don't know what to do I don't know I don't know I don't know anymore.

I know nothing anymore.

It's helpless.

I feel helpless.

Why couldn't I have the gift to go back in time and fix this all?

Especially now that I know what to stop?

Life's not fair.

I hate it.

I hate it all.

I feel sad and angry and shaky and very very angry at them for what they did and that all of this is their fault and that you could still be alive and here and none of this would have happened and-

I'm sorry. I had to go for a bit.

Parce had to drag me away from my desk to go on a walk to help me calm down because of all the anger and frustration I was feeling. I was about to smash the desk in half! Or make a hole in it from how hard I was pressing the pencil. I think I actually made a hole in the paper, which is really bad, but I don't feel like writing this whole thing again.

But nothing is as bad as this.

I still feel angry and all that, but at least now I'm a bit calmer. Maybe writing all of what happened today will help me get my frustration out and control my emotions more.

If I feel like everything is getting too much for me, I'm heading outside for some fresh air. That always makes me feel better.

Now I'm going to write what happened in order, like I usually do, to maybe feel a bit calmer and make sense of everything.

Because nothing is making sense anymore, I didn't even think that this would happen! And then that someone would actually do it! What even is wrong with these people?

Anyways, here we go.

The day was normal, you know, like how it was every time before something that ruined my life happened. Well, as normal as can be with a magical family and a just-learning-how-to-walk baby. But moving on.

I didn't even actually plan to get to know this today, it just kind of happened.

I was going to go sit in your new room for a bit and maybe write in there, mostly to escape the chaos that Casita has become for a while. But Mirabel was in there already, maybe writing or drawing something, so I decided to go sit next to her. She let me and stopped what she was doing.

After a few moments of silence, she started talking a bit about you; how you would shape-shift into Mirabel to try to trick our parents, how you took care and were gentle with all of the town's kids, how you got hurt quite often (and Mirabel suspects that you did it so you could get to eat more of tía's amazing food), how you told the best stories, the time shortly before your death when you and tío Bruno put up that play for us, and how you were always there for everyone, no matter who.

We were sitting there peacefully, enjoying the short moment of silence, thinking about you, and well, the moment seemed too good to just pass up. Truth be told, I have been wanting to ask about the cause of your death ever since I learned about it, but nobody had any time to just sit down and talk, so I never asked.

But there, the opportunity presented itself. I knew that this was going to change the calm atmosphere that there was, but I still did it. I didn't know when an opportunity like that would ever come again, so I just did it.

I asked the question, and she tensed up. She didn't answer me at first, but then she asked me, looking like she was about to cry, if I really didn't know. I definitely wouldn't lie about a thing like that, so I said that I didn't know. She looked thoughtful for some moments, and then said to herself how with everything that was going on at that time, they probably forgot to check if everyone really understood what had happened. They assumed that we all knew exactly what had happened and left it like that. I don't blame them for what they thought though, that time was a very bad one and I doubt that anyone was thinking properly.

Mirabel closed her eyes, took a deep breath and held my hands. She opened her eyes to look at me, and was about to speak before she sighed and shook her head. She muttered something about this not being fair and how I'm too young to have to know this.

But I'm 12, and yes, I might be too young to know about… that, now that I think about it.

I didn't know how bad it would be, so I insisted that she tell me. And so she did, with a sad look on her face, trying to keep the tears in upon remembering that day.

She said something about how it was because of a small group of people that you died… that it probably wasn't your fault and that you didn't want it to happen…

My memories of what was said began to blur from there.

She said something about how it might have been because of our powers and stuff, that people were jealous or something even though we always helped them.

She said that they probably killed you with a knife, the same knife that cut vegetables could cut human skin too… and with a big enough knife, it could cut through quite deeply, possibly ending up killing the person.

Which is what happened to you.

Killed.

Dead.

Died.

Because of someone.

Someone who was jealous.

Someone who wanted our magic for themselves.

Someone who didn't like what we did, even though we did nothing wrong.

Someone who would go great lengths to end the people he hated.

To go as far as killing.

Killing someone innocent.

Someone who never did anything bad to the person.

Someone who only helped everyone with a smile on his face and maybe a joke on the side.

Someone who didn't deserve this.

Any of this.

Because it wasn't his fault.

It shouldn't have happened.

If it weren't for them, he would still be alive, and here.

You would be here with us, making us feel complete again.

We didn't deserve this happening to us.

You didn't deserve this.

I hate all of this.

Love,
Antonio

Nope still not sorry haha, enjoy the pain :D

Congratulations to giolexwgf for guessing correctly!

Like I said, this is only part 1 of the reveal, the rest will be revealed in the next chapter :)

Please if you can let me know if I did a good job at writing Antonio's emotions, I have never gone through this experience and want to make sure I wrote his emotions as accurately as possible.

Thank you for reading and see you in the next chapter!! ❤️