The Comic Book Store (z.m)

Chapter 20

Christmas held a lot of bad memories. For both of them. Memories they honestly didn't want to talk about. And it was about to get a lot crazier because although Liam's family wasn't coming by (thank God), the gang was. Liam had notified them on their group chat about his arrival with his permission and the mixed reactions had sent Zayn into hiding. The shock, anger, joy and anxiety from them should have been expected but he didn't know how to deal with it. So he hid and hid, even trying to avoid Liam at some point. But unlike the rest, he knew where his apartment was and spent Zayn's reclusive month till Christmas trying to make him feel slightly less like a bag of shit.

When the day before Christmas rolled in, Zayn told Liam he could handle it. He told Liam he would come by himself and Liam let him know he was so proud of him for his strength. Liam returned from Louis' small birthday get-together, whistling a song cheerfully as he kicked at snow like a little child. Zayn was at his doorstep, hands shaking so hard he thought they might fall off but he still had to manage a smile as he mumbled, "I thought I'd come by a little early. You know. To help you umm... Prepare."

"That's sweet, Zayn but it's 2am. Isn't it a little early to be a little early?" Zayn nodded quietly in agreement, barely registering that Liam had moved close until he felt warm hands round his own, fingers clasped protectively over his shaking limbs. A shock wave rushed through his skin, coating it with goosebumps when hot breath fanned flush against his lips. "Hi."

"Hi..."

"How long have you been out here?"

"I have no idea. I either dissociated or was too overcome by like... The anxiety of it all to like... To- sorry, what I mean to say is I- I didn't ch-check my time and now-"

"You're stuttering almost as much as Zian. I'm so, so sorry, Zee. This is my fault. Come on, follow me." Zian...? Must have been one of his other friends. A firefighter buddy, perhaps. Zayn didn't want to move. He wanted Liam to kiss him under the flake-coated backdrop. But when he was pulled inside and wrapped into a tight bundle of blankets, a heater on and fuzzy slippers hugging his feet, he decided this wasn't a bad alternative. He loved how quickly Liam switched into care-for mode, doting on his little needs. It was sweet... And kind of hot, if he was being totally honest with himself.

"What is it about you getting me a cup of warm milk while I'm wearing your very Liam-scented sweater that makes me want to fucking pounce on you?" Liam flushed slightly, scratching the back of his neck and sat next to him, pressing a hand to Zayn's hip. He groaned, way too physically exhausted from the cold and the emotional wrenching he'd been experiencing to fight for dominance. Liam could take the lead. This time.

"Oh yeah?"

"Can you just... Kiss me till the thoughts go away?"

"You're really scared of tomorrow  aren't you?"

"Christmas is the time of year I hate myself the most. But it's also the time of year I think of you the most which almost made it worth the millions of mental bullet wounds." Eyes locked on each other, Liam gave a soft "I wish you didn't think that way" sigh and Zayn returned it with a sad smile that said he felt the very same.

"Zayn... It's only been a month since you've been back. You know you don't have to meet them all today. You can take as much time as you nee-"

"I told myself I was taking as much time as I needed and Stanley had to fucking die for me to get my ass over here. So no, Liam. I will not take as much time as I need. I'll rip the bandaid off as quick as I can, mentally screaming and kicking and hating myself all the way. If I don't do it now, I'll... I'll just end up considering zayning again. Like the cowardly little shit I am inside. No... Let them come. If I haven't ended my life all this while, today won't be the day, regardless of whatever happens."