Innocence in Lust ✔

XVII. REELING IN REALITY

"You are mine, Jasmine. You're ours." – Kim Seokjin

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Your heart is bleeding. The ache is so much to bear. The past that you had tried to bury and forget resurface with a vengeance. It's mocking you, belittling you akin to what that fucking Do-hyun did. You feel tinier. You feel more worthless.

You slide and sit on the elevator's floor then hugs your knees tight to your chest.

Life is just so unfair. There are people who were blessed with love. Love of family and of soulmates. However, with you, you have nothing like those. Love of friendship? You are not even sure now. The thought is unfair for Anna, but maybe she had brought you in this situation, knowing that this too wouldn't work out. If she just didn't open the doors for such opportunity....

You hiccup as you cry and hit your own chest as a punishment. Because you supposed to be ready for all of this and Anna, your sweet and kind best friend, has nothing to do with this.

'Damn with this blame game.' You punch yourself with a loud smack. 'It's just me. I was just born so unlucky.' You think to yourself.

You are becoming tired with everything. You tried to change your fate. You made sure to study well for a scholarship. When you couldn't, you worked your ass off, working for multiple jobs just to finish university. When you didn't get your first choice of the job, you made sure to apply to another company again and to another until one accepted you. You worked your way up to management and made that company great with your skills. When things begun to do good, Fate give you the repercussions of being unbounded. You almost loose your sight. You had to borrow more than you could pay. And when you thought it was good again with your work, you were kicked out, dismissing all your efforts done in the company just because of being unbounded. As you decided to fully embrace your current status as an Aphrodite, your heart began to fall and you couldn't even stop it. You tried to stop it, but you just couldn't.

Why is Fate giving you such misery?

Should you quit before they could kick you out too?

Your chest heaves with the thought. You cry louder. The tears won't stop.

Why does the mere thought of being far from them is much more painful? Why can't you bring yourself to end everything?

What's stopping you?

The elevator's door reopens, making you realize that you failed to push any button as you entered. Hurriedly, you pull yourself up. Before you could wipe your tears to appear presentable, someone does it for you. You gasp with the warmth of his hands on your cold tear-stained cheeks.

"Sir." You only utter as you lift your gaze towards his forlorn face.

"I have been hurting you. I have been making you cry, Jasmine." Jin's tears flow from his already red puffed eyes. It seems that he had been crying too. "I don't deserve to be near you, asking your forgiveness to the things that I should have done." His voice contains the sorrow that mirrors your own. "But you never pushed that button, as if you were waiting for me." He assumes.

Is that it? Or you just simply forgot with the chaos in your head. But you can't deny that you had longed for someone like him. Like them. Is this why you couldn't bring yourself to let go first and end everything?

"It's I that don't deserve you." You protest as you shake your head. You don't deserve anything really, much more with the concern and sadness on his eyes. Jin is just so precious. The same with the others. You could see why many loves them. They are gentle. They don't seem to know how to hurt anyone. They don't hurt you. He doesn't hurt you. It's you that has been hurting yourself. You knew where this is leading to, but you still allowed your heart to hope. You still allowed to fall for the pretense that you are to them.