The Love That Destroyed Us

CHAPTER 23

Dinala ako ni Maura sa kanilang bahay. Pagpasok namin ay sumalubong sa kaniya ang kaniyang mag-ama.

I smiled bitterly. We would have been a happy family.

"Mama!" Ireese exclaimed.

Raven glanced at me. "You're staying here?"

"For the mean time," I answered. Siguro naman may guest room sila.

"Long story, Fourth," ani Maura. "Ihahatid ko lang siya sa kwarto niya. She needs to rest," she kissed her husband's lips before she pulled me.

"Should I sleep with you?" she asked.

Nakahiga na ako ngayon sa kama. Hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw ng antok.

Umiling ako. She has a family.

"No need," I declined.

Hinaplos niya ang aking pisngi.

"Nandito lang ako para sa'yo,ate. Please be strong," she whispered before she left the room.

I was left there alone. Tumitig ako sa puting kisame.

Ano na kaya ang ginagawa ni Yohan sa bahay gayong mag-isa siya.

Tulog na ba siya? Umiiyak? Umiinom?

Each time I remember him, I see myself breaking down. Each time I remember his words of promises and love, I see myself doubting him, because all I could ever ask my self - how did we end up like this?

* * *

"Kukunin ko lang ang mga gamit ko sa bahay. I'm going to stay at a hotel."

Maura sighed. "You should stay here. Sayang ang pera. You're always welcome here,ate."

I stared at her face. Nahihiya man ay isinantabi ko na ang pride ko. Pumayag ako sa kagustuhan nila. I just td them I'd stay for at least a month until I figure out what I'd do next.

Nakabukas ang ilaw sa loob ng bahay. I assumed he's inside.

I braced myself as I walked inside.

I immediately smelled the strong liquor.

Iginala ko ang paningin sa paligid.

Yohan was sitting at the floor, his back was leaning on the wall. Nagkalat ang mga bote sa paligid at ang daming basag na baso. He opened his eyes when he noticed my presence. Our eyes immediately met.

His eyes widened. Agad siyang tumayo. Bahagya pa nga siyang natutumba.

He pulled me for a hug.

"You came back.." suminghot siya.

I pushed him slightly.

Nagulat siya sa ginawa ko.

I remained silent. Nilampasan ko siya at nagdiretso patungo sa kwarto. Inilabas ko ang maleta. I started packing my things.

"What the h-ll are you doing?" he asked.

Pinigan niya ang aking kamay pero itinulak ko lang siya. I continued putting my clothes in the suitcase.

"Iris!"

Nang matapos mag-impake ay agad kong isinarado ang maleta.

"Let's break up," I said as I turned my back on him.

He pulled me back with so much anger. Napangiwi ako sa lakas ng pagkakahawak niya sa akin. Bumabaon ang kaniyang kuko sa aking pulso.

"Who told you you have the right to break up with me?" he said angrily. "Walang aalis sa pamamahay na ito."

Unti-unti ay tumulo ang aking mga luha. I glared at him.

"I don't love you anymore. Tinatapos ko na ang ugnayan natin, hindi mo ba naiintindihan?" sinubukan kong patatagin ang aking boses kahit namginginig na ako sa takot.

Sinubukan kong kumawala pero marahas niya akong inihagis sa kama.

Agad siyang dumagan sa akin. He started kissing my neck, full of anger.

"Y-yohan, let go of me," nagpumiglas ako pero malakas ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking pulso.

He undressed me in a second. I was already trebling with fear. Natatakot ako. Hindi ako makapaniwalang magagawa niya ito. Paulit-ulit na nababasag ang aking puso.

"Please...don't do this," I begged.

Narinig ko ang pagkalas niya ng kaniyang sinturon. Agad niyang tinanggal ang pang-ibaba niyang saplot.

I closed my eyes, praying that this is just a nigtmare.

I couldn't believe it.

A tear fell from my eye.

Paano kami humantong sa ganito?

I waited for him but when nothing happened, I opened my eyes only to see him crying.

Tuloy-tuloy ang pagtulo ng kaniyang mga luha.

Tumayo siya at agad na isinuot muli ang damit. After that, he put back my clothes.

Nakatulala lang ako. Pakiramdam ko ay naubos na lahat ng lakas ko.

Hindi ko inakalang maaari pa palang mawasak ang pusong patay na.

"T-ngina," he cursed.

He wrapped me in his arms as he cried harder.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry. Ang g-ago g-ago ko," he sobbed.

My tears flowed continuously like a river.

He almost raped me.

God, what happened to him?

How did he become the kind of person I hated so much?

Saan ako nagkulang?

Paano nauwi sa ganito?

Bakit hindi ko na kilala ang taong nasa harapan ko?

Please, please bring back my Yohan.

When I finally had the courage, I punched his chest harshly.

"You promised me," my voice broke. "You f-cking promised me."

Paulit-ulit kong pinaghahampas ang kaniyang dibdib at hinayaan niya lang ako. Wala pa 'yon. Kulang pa iyon sa lahat ng sakit na ipinaranas niya sa akin.

"You promised me you wouldn't become like my father. You told me you love me," I cried harder. "Ang g-ago g-ago mo."

Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako makahinga sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Tuluyan na akong nawalan ng lakas. Tumigil ako sa pagsuntok sa kaniya. We were facing each other, both crying.

He was just staring at me, tears were flowing on his cheeks.

"Paano.." pumiyok ang aking boses. "Paano mo nagawa sa akin 'to?"

"Pinagkatiwalaan kita. Sumugal ako kahit walang kasiguraduhan.. Ibinigay ko lahat-lahat. Kahit pagod na pagod ako, nanatili pa rin ako sa tabi mo. I..I defended you when they told me to leave you.."

He didn't say anything so I continued.

"You made me question my worth. You make me want to kill myself. You made me look like shit. You completely destroyed me. Ang daya mo.." I cried harder. "Ang daya-daya mo. Sabi mo.. sabi mo hindi ka magiging katulad ni papa. Sabi mo hindi mo'ko sasaktan. .." I took a deep breathe to catch my breathe.

"Sabi mo mahal mo'ko," I sobbed.

"Ganoon ba ang sinasabi mong pagmamahal?" I asked but I didn't receive an answer.

I stood up and took my suitcase. Nanghihina akong naglakad paalis at wala na siyang lakas para tumayo pa.

One thing I will never understand is how it could hurt so much to say goodbye to someone who destroyed you.