The Love That Destroyed Us

CHAPTER 24

"Ate, nasa labas na naman siya."

Dumungaw ako sa bintana at totoo nga ang sinasabi niya. Pangatlong beses na siyang pabalik balik dito sa bahay ni  Maura.

Walang nagpapapasok sa kaniya. Maura was so angry that he even planned to report him.

But of course, Iris being Iris, I pleaded him to just let him be.

"Huwag mo nang kausapin ang g–gong 'yan," she gritted her teeth.

Last night, I went to her house. They were having their family dinner when I suddenly showed up. Patuloy ang aking pag-iyak. They asked me what happened and I told them the truth.

Maura looks so mad, thay she ended up crying.

Raven persuaded me to sue him. May kapatid daw siyang abogado. I jist told him that I'm sti not ready for it. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko ba siyang ipakulong.

One week passed and he's still coming back like a fool. Dinungaw kong muli ang bintana.

I saw him sitting at the courd. He was crying again.I tried my best not to cry. I fought the urge to take him back.

"Kakausapin ko lang," paalam ko.

Agad tumutol si Maura pero wala na siyang nagawa nang lumabas na ako.

He heard the sound of the door and he immediately stood up.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga.

It's okay, Iris. He won't hurt you.

He walked towards me. His eyes were bloodshot. May dalawang itim na bilog sa ilalim ng kaniyang mata. Magulo rin ang kaniyang buhok.

Aamba siyang hahawakan ako pero umatras ako.

"Stay there," I said.

Pain crossed his eyes when he noticed how scared I am.

Natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na baka saktan niya ulit ako.

"Please let's go home," that was the first sentence that came from his mouth. "Umuwi na ta'yo.."

I shook my head. "I'm done with this relationship. Please, please let's end this," I said.

Paulit-ulit siyang umiling. "Mag-usap ta'yo. Please? Pangako, hindi ko na uulitin–"

"You told me that line many times, already," I cut him off. "I'm breaking off the engagement. Let's cut ties," bilib din ako sa sarili ko dahil nagawa kong maging kalmado.

Sunod sunod na tumulo ang kaniyang luha.

"Pagod ka na sa'kin?" mahina niyang tanong.

Umaasa siyang baka sakaling magsinungaling ako.

I nodded. "Sobra."

Pagod na pagod na pagod na ako.

His tears flowed like river.

"Hindi mo na ako mahal?" he asked, hope was visible in his eyes.

"Hindi na," I lied.

The truth is  I will always love him. Mahal na mahal ko siya pero ubos na ubos na ako. Hindi ko na kaya. Pagod na pagod na ako. Paano ko siya patuloy na mamahalin kung ubos na ako?

Hindi ito ang pagmamahal na pinangarap ko.

I took off my ring and threw it in front of him.

"Please leave. Don't ever show your face again. This time, I'm really quitting on you."

"I am not your doubts and your broken promises. Hindi ako bagay na basta basta mo nalang sasaktan, iiwan at babalikan kung kailan mo gusto. You don't know how you crumpled my worth. I'm really quitting on you, because I am more than that."

Lumuhod siya at dahan-dahang pinulot ang aking singsing. Patuloy ang pag-agos ng kaniyang luha. 

I just stared at him.

How did I ever give someone the power to f-ck me up this bad?

He smiled in defeat. Like he just realized what he did to me.

We stopped when we heard a sound of a car. Mukhang papasok dito. I gulped when a familiar detective went out of the car. Sh–t. I didn't know it was processed that quickly.

The detective walked towards us.

Ipinakita niya ang isang piraso ng papel kay Yohan. Naguguluhan siyang tumingin sa detective.

"Yorick Vaughan Arellano, you are under arrest for physical and sexual assault. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you," sunod-sunod niyang tanong.

Agad niyang pinosasan ang kamay ni Yohan. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtulo ng aking mga luha.

Ang sakit.

Hindi man lang dumaan ang gulat sa kaniyang mukha.

He looked at me and smiled like he understood everything..like he understood me and he accepts it.

He willingly went with the police.

I wiped my tears as I went back inside the house.

Sumalubong sa akin si Maura. They probably knew what happened.

Tuluyan nang bumigay ang aking mga paa. Napaluhod ako sa sahig at napahagulgol.

Maura wrapped her arms around me.

"You did well. Thank you..thank you ate fro being strong," he said.

No. She was wrong.

Sa totoo lang, mahina ako.

I am a lawyer yet I couldn't defend myself from my fiance.

                                  * * *

"Ate, kain na."

My eyes opened as I heard Maura.

She smiled at me. Ikinawit niya ang kaniyang kamay sa aking braso. She tried her best to entertain me while we were eating.

Tahimik lang ako at nakatulala.

It has been like this for a month.

Ever since Yohan was imprisoned, things weren't the same as it was back then.

Gabi-gabi akong umiiyak, tinatanong kung paano kami humantong sa ganoon. Paulit-ulit kong tinatanong kung saan ba ako nagkulang.

May mga gabi ring gigising ako dahil sa masamang panaginip. Na sinasaktan niya ako.

Sa tuwing mag-isa kong pinapanood 'yung paborito naming pelikula, napapalingon ako sa aking tabi, at inaakalang nandito pa siya. Palagi ko siyang nakikita. 

Hindi ako makakilos. Dahil lahat ng ginagawa ko, naaalala ko siya. I've depended on him too much that I think I couldn't function without him.

It was like that for a month.

Wala akong ganang lumabas. Kahit pinipilit ako ni Maura ay tumatango lang ako.

"Ate," Maura sat beside me after we ate.

Inihatid ng asawa niya si Ireese sa school kaya kami na lang ang natira.

"Why don't you consult a psychiatrist?" nag-aalanganin niyang tanong. "I know a good one."

I remained silent.

"Your mental health's important, ate. I know it's very hard but you need to fix your self slowly. Nandito lang kami para sayo," she added.

I laughed.

"Bakit obligasyon ko pang ayusin ang sarili kong winasak niya?"

The one who's supposed to protect me, was the one that hurt me.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst into tears, I wanted to kill myself, but all I could do was stare at the wall in silence.

I now understand my mother. Itinuring ko siyang mahina at kaawa awa. But the truth is, she's actually a strong woman.

We shouldn't put the blame on women each time we hears they're abuse. We shouldn't question their choices. It wasn't their fault.

It was the abuser.