𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 • 𝘫𝘰𝘩𝘯𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘩

「 author's note 」

hello everyone, i just want to thank all of you for coming this far on this story and i appreciated it a lot for you guys to be here. in all honestly, secret was my breaking point to whether or not if i'll leave or stay. this book took me the longest because i was literally at my worst when writing this and seeing that i've finished it was so satisfying and gleeful, and simultaneously, my own issues and trauma were finally relieved and i  couldn't be more happier to end this.

though the two siblings have a bitter sweet ending, i am glad they settled in their differences and made up. bitter sweet anyway that they haven't fully mode on in their struggles and trauma but again, healing comes a long way and i'm hapoy for them at least.

i also want to thank everyone who made comments that they love and enjoyed the story at some chapters, though i didn't reply to everything, i would like to express my gratitude because the comments made my miserable days happy. istg my brother and my godmother's son witness me just jumping with glee on the bed whenever i read encouraging words from you guys, they even thought i was so weird and was getting insane but i'm insane anyways so idc, i was genuinely happy with the comments okay :DD

another note, this story was actually inspired in my dream back in late december 2020 and the context of that dream to this story is liek super contrasting and different from one another. so liek in my dream, johnny was my brother and he was proctective cause doyoung was literally haunting me and wanted to.... get me back i believe? but johnny knew the danger of that kim so we hide and he protect me, this was probably the remnants of the heirs in my dream so idk, but i love how sincere and loving johnny is and how worried he is for me <33 (i wanna appreciate how hot doyoung is when he's angered liek fuck─ okay let's pretend i didn't say that out loud.)

i told that whole dream to a friend of mine which i can call kofi, who is now my ex-friend sadly. i remember having a debate to make a plot about having a sibling au for johnny and she was liek "just do it" and we talk and talk until we get to the idol sibling au theme of this book. i don't know if she'll be reading this or is still active here but i just want to say thank you for her to pushing me to do this and for listening to every idea i have for this fanfic. also i miss you kofi and i'm sorry for everything, hope you're doing well love <33

i am now making this a storytime on how i actually planned this book 'cause this book is already a year old T^T

uh fun fact, jena wouldn't have a name and this was supposed to be liek a y/n fic... again, but i want a change and keep going back and forth on what to name her, jane was a consistent candidate and i couldn't be more creative than just switching the a and e making her jena jane suh..... i mean it work cause johnny's full name is john jun suh anyway.

wait before i forget, you know what's funny? i actually forgot that doyoung was that in that dream so i was searching for any neos to be jane's boyfriend and i find it more hilarious that the criteria for me to find who'll be the "antagonist" of this sibling au is someone who can fit in the dynamics in the siblings' unite show liek i'm serious, from everything unplanned in this book, the most planned thing was probably that show and i just went to put doyoung all because i love his brother, and i miss my precious kim bohoo donghyun a lot <\33 so yeah.

doyoung wasn't even a candidate. i was planning on jaehyun tbh but its a siblings show and i don't want to make another character so i just went on with doyoung and gongmyung, its the kim brother brainrot that made this fic basically but mostly it's the donghyun brainrot for me <33 i miss him a lot huhu

uh what else should i spoil when i did this book.... well actually the trauma and accident part was so random in a way i just planned it out on the spot on chapter thirteen. in my excuse, the original plot was just basically just jena hiding her undying love for doyoung and the feud and they make up, yes that's how boring it is and i don't liek the word boring, i want some drama cause my life is actually boring (well i do have so dramas with my issues but still, my life isn't that fun without me writing and daydreaming)

i really thought about something that can make johnny's actions justified because if i didn't that would be a major plot hole in this fic and i liek to overthink so that i won't get bash or criticize badly in my books so i thought about a trajic backstory to also justify how forgetful jena can be... because it's also a major plot hole if i just made her forget that johnny was going back and forth in korea to train on summer.

i mean, isn't it weird for the suhs to act and forget that way for no clear reason at all or i just simply want a good written plot book because i am not a fan of poorly written ones and i liek to challenge myself. i guess the answer is both.

i like how i honestly wing this book because of how bad the plot was and just keep adding some stuff for the thrill and spice (one of the reasons to this took so long) and i can proudly say that if this book won't have a prequel, chaejen will probably be the random plot hole i can give. and if you guys are wondering, yes they used to date but was never official. i just live their dynamic and all i guess it's the toxic love for me.

and yes, i already planned a prequel just because i love jenyoung's relationship came to be liek i can talk about it for a week if you guys want, jk. i also want to justify chaewon's actions too because she really likes to destroy their relationship and hate on doyoung and jena, that would be a good prequel but i have enough with johndongjane in loveholic and dear john, and yes maybe i am plugging this but if you guys want to continue the ride of those trio, i hope you guys find time to read them since i'll be starting those books now since i've finished this.

before this will end, my most favorite character here is chaewon. i love how she can be so mean to jena and indenial of her liking the suh but once she sees her hurting and crying, she'll put down her pride and anger to cheer her up at least.

or maybe i just liek toxic people because loving her was red, burning red.

idk i just love chaewon's personality she's liek her own person because i never actually wanted her to give a personality and just wanted her to be a side character that everyone hates. she screams 'gaslight gatekeep girlboss'.

before you guys go, who was ur favorite character if you don't mind?

again thank you so much for reading this book and i hope you guys enjoy it, i love you all and have a nice day <33