My Lieutenant (Pt2)

Chapter Three

'Her desperation and determination to find you.'

Rosies words play in my head throughout the whole night and right into the next morning. I cannot shake the feeling that I enjoyed the feeling of being pursued when she first annouced it but then the guilt continues to trickle in as I think about the beautiful woman snuggled up to me asleep. I rack my brain for a solution and what to do in this situation and most importantly how to tell Sam about my past life before Brodhi and university. I knew from the moment I met Sam that I was attracted to her and building a solid friendship with her was important and I shared my life partially with her. I never expected a young 23 year old football star to continue a relationship with me and become someone I want to spend my life with so I never felt the need to expose my former self as I had moved past it.

"Good morning my princess."

Sam snuggles up closer to me and kisses the back of my neck softly. I can't help but smile at this woman and I turn to face her and kiss her softly. Unexpectedly I begin to kiss her passionately potentially out of guilt for what I have been thinking about which takes her by surprise but she easily reciprocrates.

"Have you been awake long? Everything alright that you couldn't sleep?"

Her sweet face always makes my heart race as I look into her bright blue eyes which are identical to Brodhi's and I can't stop the tears welling up in my eyes and the alarm is suddenly all over Sams face as she leaps up to my side and holds me.

"Dani please, talk to me? What's going on? I am here I will stand by you."

I compose myself and Sam wipes my tears attentively listening and waiting for my response while trying to make me feel comfortable and assured.

"Sam, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. You have always stood by me and supported my every endeavour throughout the years and have been a mum to OUR son. But I received a call yesterday afternoon while you were playing and it's something from my past and something I haven't shared with you before. Before Brodhis dad, I had been with a woman Sloane in the army. She was my first ever relationship and it was a complete whirlwind. She was older and  was a senior member of the military but she saved my life by helping me get sober. I had been a drug addict and alcoholic dealing with the abuse and loss from my childhood and was ruining my life when she put me in rehab and got me sober."

I am crying uncontrollably as I can feel Sam slightly loosen her grip on me and pull away slightly as I continue telling her what has happened. I see tears streaming down her face and my heart begins to break seeing the hurt on her face.

"I never meant to hurt or lie to you Sam, it was just something that was a white lie to impress you that got out of control. I never expected us to be here today together engaged."

Sam stands up from the bed and looks down at me as she wipes her tears and begins to head for the bathroom before turning suddenly with a determined look on her face.

"So you lied to me this whole time about your past? You actually made me believe that we could be a real family! We even talked about another bloody kid Dani!!! So what? I was a pass time until your fancy woman came back from war? Well, hope you enjoyed the ride mate because this my fucking stop. I am done with you."

Sam raises her voice and I can hear the hurt and pain in her words as she storms out of the room. The regret and anger fuels me as I jump out of bed and chase after Sam refusing to let her walk away. I find her in the kitchen sitting at the island drinking her coffee. She doesn't hear me approach her but as I do I hear her soft sobs and I begin to hate myself immediately. Suddenly Sam spins around and looks at me with tear stained cheeks and I feel the devastation of it flood over me.

"I am so sorry Sam. I am so embarrased by the person I used to be and I decided to shed all that past life when I joined university and had my son. I still struggle and have bouts of wanting to relapse but you and Brohdi are my whole life. Sloane is a part of my past from over five years ago however, I never received any closure due to her leaving and we were still married."

Sam's face loses all colour and I see the tears flow once again but this time the hurt in her eyes is what kills me inside and I begin to feel a physical pain in the pit of my stomach. I try to reach out for Sam but she pulls away and gets up to leave. She  is crying but is calm and collected which is a response I did not expect.

"I love you Dani and I love my son but I won't sit here and be with a woman that has been married to someone else for the last six years. You have never been honest with me - not even about your feelings for me. I gave up my whole life for you to stay in this country just to be with you. My whole family want me to return and play for a club at home but I stayed for a woman that did nothing but lie and manipulate me. I am leaving today D. I can't stand to even look at you. I feel sick."

I fall to the floor in a heap crying as the front door slams and I hear Sams car pull off. I imagine the pain and hurt she is feeling and how I am responsible for her being upset. I begin to feel angry at the idea of Sloane being home and how she dropped me and picked me back up whenever she felt like without a care in the world for the reprecussions for me. I think about the comparison between the two women and how Sam has never left me and has always made sure Brodhi and I were provided for, loved and supported.

I am pulled out of trance as I hear the little patter of feet upstairs and the squeal of Brodhi as he calls out for Sam and I. He meets me at the stairs and is a little disheartened when he sees me and not Sam. I try to keep a smile on my face but he notices my tear stained cheeks and knows something is wrong.

"Where is muma? Why are you upset?"

I begin to chase Brodhi up the stairs hoping that he is distracted long enough to allow me to compose myself.

"Get ready for school buddy or we are going to be late."

"But muuummmy!! Muma is supposed to take me to school today."

I don't reply and instead busy myself getting ready and going to make Brodhi his favourite breakfast before heading to drop off Brodhi and go to work. My mind continues to race as I try to stop myself from bombarding Sam and give her some time to process everything. I begin to feel a desperation to chase after Sam by going to Winston Stadium and fighting for us but I know that I can only make things worse right now...