My Lieutenant (Pt2)

Chapter Six

"And there you have it ladies and gentlemen... Samantha Williamson is this year's winner of Ballon d'Or."

Everyone stands cheering and clapping as Sam walks up to the podium to collect the award and decides to say a few words to everyone in the banquet tonight celebrating. I sit back down in my seat along with the others around the hall as Sam clears here throat and begins to speak. 

"I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has supported me on this incredible journey so far. This is only the beginning for womens football that I can promise. Football has always been the constant in my life, the real passion of the team and the game. I wouldn't be here without the love from my beautiful fiancee and my gorgeous son. So thank you for being there for me, loving and supporting me and being there when I come home. This one is for all of you."

"Danielle? Would you share with the group this week?"

I am instantly pulled from my memories as my sponsors voice echoes in my ears. I quickly wipe the single tear that wets my cheek as I realise how much the past has changed. Especially in the last three months. Three excruciating and painful months. I look around all the expectant and somber faces in the group circle and I feel my heart breaking knowing I'm back in rehab. Lost, alone and weak. Again.

"Ugh - I - um - sorry. I'm Danielle and I am an a - ad - adict." I struggle to get the words out every single session as I realise the failure I have become within such a short space of time. The guilt continuing to eat away at me. A course of hellos reverberate back as part of the stupid ritual everyone was required to do before participating. 

"How has this week been Dani?"

I look over at my sponsor Connie who gives me a warm smile. She is a small, plump woman with brown hair to her shoulders and although she is one of the friendliest people I've ever met she was also strong and stubborn. The moment I checked into rehab I knew I needed to find a support system and Connie happen to be more than willing to help me. She was a nurse that struggled during her teenage years but turned her life around and dedicated her life to helping others.

"This week has been slow. Sad. Lonely. Just hard."

The idea of sharing my feelings with strangers was never something I enjoyed at these groups which is also why having someone I trust like Connie is so important. I see the simple dissatisfaction of Connie and the others faces and I know the long, painful pause is my que to clarify why.

"I saw my son last week when he came to visit with Sam. They are not coming this week as they are both gone to the UK. Sam is from there and is playing football for the National English team so they are both there and I'm here. Forgotten and alone."

I feel tears slide down my cheek as I turn away from the stares of the others and my heart races. I close my eyes tight trying to gather myself when I suddenly feel my body being enclosed in a warm embrace. I let myself melt into the body holding me and cry softly when I hear a soft, friendly voice.

"Let it out sweetheart. We all want to help."

Connie's voice begins to soothe me and her gentle hand stroking my back calms me down. And I open my eyes to see that everyone has dispersed from the group around the recreational room and Connie is holding me close.

"Thanks Connie for being there for me."

I glance at Connie and she smiles before letting me go and sitting down beside me holding my hand in hers and gently rubbing her finger over my knuckles.

"Talk to me sweetheart. Come on, what's going on?"

I stare down at my hands and feel the tears sting my eyes once again and I know I need to tell her. She needs to know everything.