My Lieutenant (Pt2)

Chapter Five

"We love you baby."

"I promise we can get through this."

I hear the voices of others around me as I drift in and out of consciousness unaware of what has happened to me.

"I am here to stay Dani. You are my wife."

"I want mummy!"

After what seems like a mere hour to me, I manage to wake up and feel completely disorientated and groggy from the ordeal. The first person I see is Sam who is sitting at my bedside reading a book to Brodhi who is asleep. I feel my chest tighten and butterflies in my stomach watching the gentle interaction between the two people who mean the most to me. I feel relief as I see my son safe in the arms of the women I love when the trauma suddenly begins to hit me. Where am I?  What am I doing here? How did I get here? I begin to scuffle and move trying to figure it out. I flop back on the bed and close my eyes, frustrated and angry as memories come rushing back. 

"Dani? Dani? How are you feeling?" 

The gentle English accent sends a rush through me and it feels like harmony to my ears. My skin ignites when she takes my hand in hers. I flutter open my eyes and see her deep blue eyes connect with mine and my heart races. She rubs her thumb over my hand and I can't help but smile at her before it quickly disappears again and realisation hits like a truck. 

"I am so sorry Sam. I can't begin to tell you how awful I feel. I put our baby at risk."

 I sob uncontrollably and cover my face as tears pour out of me and the images of a world without my son begin to form. I couldn't ever imagine losing him, he has been the only constant in my entire life. Every man or woman in my life from fathers to mothers to brothers and lovers have always abandoned me but my Brodhi has always been there and I am thankful that he is still here. Through my glossy eyes, I glance over to where my son lays across two conjoined seats covered in Sams jacket sleeping soundly with his bear. 

"Dani, relax please babe. I am here and I will look after you both, okay?"

I look again at the sadness and disappointment in the blue eyes and my heart begins to ache watching how broken she looked and I can't help but feel the guilt creeping up me. I broke my sobriety. I drank. Then drove a car while intoxicated with my son. I wring my hands before looking back at Sam who has been watching me quietly and contently. Tears begin to form in my eyes again and I know that I need to make the decision that is best for everyone right now. 

"Sam. Please take Brodhi and just leave. I want to be alone and I want my boy to be safe. He is safe with you right now."

Sam remains silent for a moment before looking down at her hands. I can see the tears brimming in her eyes and as she looks over at our son, they begin to slide down her cheek. Her shoulders begin to gently shrug as she looks back me shaking her head. Before she can speak, I cut her off making sure she hears me out and listens to what I am saying. 

"Take him Sam! Just do what I ask for once!"

I regret my words the moment they leave my lips and the hurt seeps from Sams eyes immediately as her tears begin to flow more intensely before she stands tall and clears her throat. I watch as Sam begins to shut off her feelings and straighten up before walking to our son and taking him in her arms and walking towards the door with him. I feel an ache in my chest as I watch the woman I love the most and the little man that kept my heart begin to walk out the door but I know they are better off. I don't want Brodhi and Sam to hurt so I need to pull away and 'fix' me before I trust myself to love them. I am broken and not the what they need right now. I cry watching her pause at the door before she turns briskly and looks at me - disappointment and sadness emulate from her being. 

"You know Dani, I would have tried. I would have been here for you and our son but here you go again. Push me away and guess you got it all now. Get rid of us both with one fell swoop eh? I just hope you know that he is going to hurt so much more without you." 

I close my eyes and continue to cry as they walk out of the hospital room and the only sound in my ears is their receding footsteps. I begin to think of everything I have done and the person I have become. Anger begins to bubble inside me when thoughts of Sloane race through me and I see her glistening green eyes standing near my car waiting for me. I shake my head, groaning. I can't do this, why is it that this only happens to me. One moment, I am abandoned by the beautiful woman and the next she returns and implodes my whole life. 

*****

"Hey Danielle."

I begin to hear voices around me and the most prominent is a soft warm voice that I recognise as belonging to someone that was once important to me. I flourish open my lashes and see Sloane standing by my bed looking concerned. I instantly begin to panic realising that she is in the room right now and there is potential that my fiancee could come in. 

Stunned and completely lost for words, I stare at the woman standing before me as she reaches for my hand. I retract it immediately and I see her utter disappointment before she sits in the chair beside my bed. I watch her in silence as she runs her fingers through her short, wavy hair and then gives me a sad smile. 

"You know I can't apologise enough to you Dani. I know I fucked up babe but I am back and I am not leaving your side ever again."

I close my eyes and groan out of frustration and cover my face. The feelings from over five years that were once dormant begin to ignite seeing her sitting before with genuine love and desire in her eyes. I glance at her again and watch as she stares at me smiling and I begin to feel the broken heart that she left behind beginning to come together. She was home and sitting here with me. I reached out my hand and felt her rough callous hand collide with mine. She placed a soft kiss upon my knuckles and we sat  looking into each others eyes as the embers from the past begin to ignite and the passion, desire and want catches fire in us..