My Lieutenant (Pt2)

Chapter Nine

After the argument with Connie, I ended up leaving rehab a week later with Sam picking me up and taking me back to our house with Bodhi.

The tension between us was indescribable. Sam was cordial and kind to me and talked pleasantly but there was no more intimate eye contact or holding my hand or kissing my knuckles. We were roommates. Nothing else. Bodhi being his bubbly self failed to even notice anything wrong only that we slept separately now.

I rolled out of the master bed and padded towards the bathroom jumping into the shower. I let the steaming hot water splash over me completely dissolved in my head. Sloane had persistently called me and though I had been slightly distant we began to message back and forth more often. Building some friendship together. Though my feelings were still there for her.

I walk down towards the kitchen and the smell of freshly baked cookies fill my nostrils. I instantly see plates of cookies laid out cooling down and I can't help but smile. For a fleeting moment, I am encapsulated by the memory of my perfect family and our life.

"GOOOOOAAAAALLLLL!!!"

Bodhis booming voice rips me from my daydream and reality hits. I fucked up this perfect life. I was a self destructive asshole for what I did.

I walk towards the patio doors and watch my son and Sam playing football. Sam struggles hobbling in the net trying to stop the ball from entering while Bodhi runs about giggling. I feel a sudden sense of dejavu watching on.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out seeing Sloanes name pop across the screen. I watched my son and Sam laughing, completely distracted before I turned away and answered the phone.

"Hey"

"Hi Dani, how are you doing?"

"I'm alright. Just glad to be home now."

"That's good boo. Listen, I wanted to ask you out. Like on a date. Would you got out with me Dani?"

I wipe my hand across my face before closing my eyes and pulling my phone away from ear. Groaning in annoyance at how I'm feeling so conflicted and confused.

I put the phone back to my ear and take a deep breath as I turn to see Bodhi and Sam lying on the grass giggling. My heart flutters at the sight. This is all I've ever wanted. A wife. A child. A family.

"Yes I will go out with you."

I hang up the phone and don't realise I've been holding my breath watching my son and ex. My ex. That's what she is and she made it abundantly clear to me over and over again. So why not go on a date? I mean its not a stranger. She's actually my wife. Technically anyway. She's a chance at a new life for me.

*******

By Thursday, I finally build up the courage to ask Sam if she can watch Bodhi while I go out on a date. The last part I chose to omit. However, the guilt eats away inside me knowing I am lying to the other mother of my child.

I hear Sam talking with Bodhi in the kitchen. They are seated at the breakfast bar creating what I can only describe as an upside down red V. Or possibly a volcano?

Bodhi greets me as I enter the kitchen and walk to them. My mind races as I think of the appropriate words to say to Sam but I decide to focus on Bodhi.

"What are you up to bud?" I hug Bodhi from behind as Sam glances at me with a smirk.

"Well muma is helping me with a science project because everyone in school is doing one."

I look at Bodhi excitedly sticking paper mesh to the sides of his volcano as Sam gives it to him. She guides him through it and I can't help but watch them both work together.

"School eh? When did he go back? I thought he had a private tutor for two weeks."

I direct my question at Sam who casts a glance back at me before refocusing on the project with an agitated Bodhi who wants to stick it all on one side. Sam stays silent a moment and I hear my heart beating in my ears and the blood rushing to my feet leaving me light headed. I clench my fists continually as I feel anger building like I have been cut out of my sons life and crucial decisions.

"Sam? A word please?"

I walk towards the sink as Sam tells Bodhi to get something from his backpack upstairs to help with the project. Sam wobbles over to the counter top beside me on her crutches. She props herself up and I watch her closely. She looks different to the woman I once knew. She stands confidently with joggers, Runners and a hoody. Not the usual trousers and sweater or shirt.

"Why the hell do I feel like my son is being torn away from me Sam? I've no idea what's going on with him or his life."

Sam folds her arms across her chest immediately indicating she is not going to let this conversation go lightly.

"Bloody hell D. You want to do this now? As I am creating an art project with OUR son."

I huff feeling like she is dismissing my feelings.

"Why didn't I know he was going back to school? He had a tutor here yesterday."

Sam drops her arms and the look of defeat is evident.

"Dani.. I really can't do this. I have given you and Bodhi everything and I make one. Just one. One decision that will make him happy and give us some time and space to talk and suddenly I am the bad guy. I don't know what else I can do Dani. What else can I give you to make you see that I am here?!"

I flinch at the truth and pain behind Sam's words. I feel the hate within me growing knowing I have hurt this woman. I meet her glossy blue eyes and catch sight of the tears that shed. I stand stubbornly wanting to reach out and comfort her but not wanting to put my foot in it again. Sam quickly wipes her tears as Bodhi runs in like a tornado.

I stand frozen watching Sam act like nothing has just happened as she sits with Bodhi again. I begin to cry silently watching them before I head to walk up the stairs away from it all. The pain and memories wash over me and I know I can't keep living like this with my ex.

I shut my door and whip out my phone and hover over the name...