My Lieutenant (Pt2)

Chapter Seventeen

The smell of pancakes and bacon linger in the air. I flutter open my eyes to find Bodhi's face above mine, waiting for me to wake naturally.

'Good morning mommy. Muma and I made you pancakes.'

I look over at the tray full of food and coffee, taking it gratefully as my son rambles on about his dream last night. I can't help but smile at his little excited expressions as he dramatically explains it.

Following a lovely wake up call and breakfast, I head downstairs to where Sam is on a work call on her laptop. I walk quietly into the kitchen as Bodhi pulls on his trainers and grabs a football for outside. I grab some water and head out to play with Bodhi for a little while.

'Hey superstars, you ready for some real competition?'

Sam jogs into the garden and begins kicking the ball around - her injury clearly on the mend. I sit on the step as I watch them play. The look so incredibly happy. I laugh uncontrollably as Bodhi manages to outsmart Sam on a play and she looks to be in disbelief. Bodhi runs past me to get a juice and I kick the ball back and forth with Sam until she finally speaks.

'You should invite Sloane over tonight. Let her interact with Bodhi and get to know each other.'

I stop the ball as it lands at my feet.

'I'm not there yet Sam. I told you the other night how I feel about Sloane so I'm not ready for the commitment.'

Sam stands with her hands on her hips, looking really good.

'Don't you think you need to speak to her then? Properly?'

Sam smiles sadly and I nod my head before passing the ball and walking away from her into the house. Upset and angry that I'm being forced to confront my feelings for someone when she won't even tell me what she thinks of me.

I invite Sloane around after Sam and Bodhi go out to visit Sam's old teammates. She looks sexy in her tight chinos and polo shirt. She hugs me tightly before sitting down together in the kitchen.

'Sloane, I'm sorry it's been awhile.'

Sloane smiles at me and nods, being understanding wasn't always her strongest characteristic but it certainly was now.

'I feel like I've been lying to everyone around me and I feel so guilty for it so I'm going to be honest about it all now.'

Sloane's face becomes increasingly concerned as she reaches to hold my hand, squeezing it gently.

'Dani, it's going to be okay no matter what. Just tell me.'

I look up into her eyes and I feel myself begin to waver until she pulls me back to reality with a simple squeeze of my hand again.

'Sloane, I - uh- I want a divorce.'

The tension is palpable as Sloane removes her hand from mine and sits up straight. I watch as she shifts uncomfortably and the guilt overwhelms me as tears trickle down my cheek.

'I need to - uh - foc- focus on me and being a mo-mom.'

Sloane closes her eyes trying to hold back her tears as I reach across and grab her strong hand.

'You saved me. And I and Bodhi thank you for that. You gave me a whole new life but I need to focus on being a mom again before anything else.'

I see the pain in her eyes and I know that this is the last tie between us and I completely severing it.

'What made you say this? Where is it coming from Dani?'

Her voice catches and she begins to cry softly. I want to reach out and tell her I didn't mean it but I know having two women and wanting them both is not fair and I need to choose what's best.

'I need to put Bodhi first now. And for so long it's been just me and my selfish wants and needs. But I now know, I need to learn to be a single mom again. And I can't expect you to wait for me.'

She catches me off guard and my mind races for a rebuttal.

'I will wait Dani! I already waited years.'

I shake my head before finally meeting her eyes and give her a sad smile.

'I'm sorry Sloane. But I need a start that doesn't bring up my past. And you certainly deserve better.'

Sloane and I stay talking through the divorce details before I see her out. I return to the kitchen and sit down on the floor and for the first time in a while, I felt completely and utterly alone.