AKA incorrect quotes for @ceaseless-watchr and their apply fic REVENGE. I feel a little less confident on these ones than, like, stories I'm writing, but also it was funny so I guess it works.
I tried to include everyone, but I admit, some people had more "incorrect quote" energy than others. Alas. Enjoy!
Arthur: I'm serious! They're watching me! They've even got an agent following me! Don't you believe me?
Monty: Look, it's not that I don't believe you... It's that I don't believe you and I don't care.
Artie: My heart is guarded but like... very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.
Almera: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.
Pim: I have a bad feeling about this...
Robert: What do you mean?
Pim: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Robert: No?
Myron: That actually explains so much.
Mia, texting Almera: Almera there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?
Mia: Pls hurry because I'm going to cry
Mia: Almera
Mia: Almera
Almera: Almera is dead. You're next. Love, Moth.
Robert: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.
Judy: "If"
Pim: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.
Monty: Alcohol is delicious! ...I mean, MAlicious. Sorry guys, I'm really drunk right now.
Halcyon: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a "I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences" kinda way.
Claude: Why does Judy always do the laundry so loudly?
Frederik: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house.
Judy, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*
Monty: You're charged with.....breaking into a pet store?
Artie: I thought the animals might be lonely.
Calypso: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Halcyon: Which one? I can't do both.
Claude: :)
Myron: :(
Claude: Turn that frown upside down!
Myron: ):
Claude: Not sure what I was expecting...
Frederik: I'm telling you, my team is competent.
Mia, rushing in: Frederik! Claude tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!
Claude: Why does everyone want to kill Arthur?
Robert: Because, goddamnit, have you seen them? Their neck looks so snappable.
Benjamin: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us.
Guinevere: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:
Guinevere: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."
Halcyon: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house.
Robert: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?
Myron: You use humor to deflect your trauma.
Monty: Awww, thanks-
Myron: That's not a good thing.
Monty: All I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny.
Guinevere: I didn't even realize how sarcastic I was being. It's starting to become a problem, I think.
Myron: So, Benjamin is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Artie: Why?
Myron: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Benjamin, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.
Pim: *lying down and crying*
Judy: There, there. Why don't you take some time off to not be around me while you're like this?
Robert: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!
Robert: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!
Judy: Robert just threw a tantrum about a chair.
Judy: I just won Robert Tantrum Bingo.
