Come Back to Me

16

Euronymous stared up at the ceiling, his eyes focused on a small speck of brown on one of the tiles. Beside him still was Vanessa, now sound asleep after over an hour of crying together.

The whole situation was horrible. Dead was probably sitting in a cell planning on how to kill him next and he couldn't even blame him if that was the case. Everything was his fault. He knew the plan from the start and could have easily spoken up or warned Dead in the first place.

Coward.

He felt himself cringe. He wasn't wrong though. He was nothing but a coward for letting it happen at all.

Of all things to help him with...

The thought stuck out. Of all things for Varg to do, why that? He had asked before why Varg didn't just kill her if he wanted to get revenge, but the man only ever said it wasn't about ending her life. Only ending what could be.

The words had his stomach twisting and turning. He couldn't remember what happened after he tried getting Varg away from her, everything was just a black hole and it was driving him crazy. Had he really hurt her that badly?

It shouldn't even be a question. He was out for blood.

Taking a look out the window beside him, Euronymous could see the faint light of the sun coming up behind the trees.

Should really try and sleep for a while.

His eyes closed, mind racing with different outcomes of what could have happened if he had just said something or not agreed to this stupid plan at all. Dead would never trust him again...

Dead...

The vocalist's face flashed through his mind as he tried imagining his face when they found Vanessa with Varg. Speaking from experience, the look he pictured was most likely nothing compared to what it actually had been.

After what felt like a few minutes Euronymous opened his eyes. This time, the sun was over the trees and the clock beside the bed read ten minutes after seven. Two and a half hours he had laid there, not quite awake but not asleep.Euronymous took a deep breath, then another and then another. A state of calm returned to their mind for a moment. It helped only a small bit, but the angry voice of Dead still rang through his mind. His entire body was trembling now, the calm he had felt just a moment ago now gone as quickly as it had come. One deep breath followed another as he tried to tune it out, yet it continued to grow louder.

The muscles in his back felt tight when he tried to move, almost painful, as a cold sweat began to run down the back of his neck. Dead would surely kill him once he was let out.

"Are you ok?" Vanessa asked quietly.

"Yeah."

The lie came out too quick for it to be believable.

"You're a bad liar," she tried to joke.

Euronymous scoffed. "I'm an even worse friend."

The room was silent a moment before she shook her head. "You're not a bad friend."

"Yes, I am. I knew what he was planning to do and I didn't say anything until it was too late."

He could feel her tense, her breath catching.

"I could have put a stop to it if I hadn't been a coward but I didn't. I should have told Dead or someone. Hell, I should have told the fucking cops! Instead I went along with it and now look where we are. I'm a fucking spineleses asshole. I deserve worse than what I got and if Dead decides to kill me too I won't try and stop him because I deserve it."