Come Back to Me

32

Dead stared up at the ceiling of the motel room, his hair spilling over the side of the bed as he tried to grasp what had just happened. He replayed the conversation in his head, trying to think of where he went wrong, how he might have given her the wrong idea; yet it all came back to the same answer. For once, he hadn't done anything wrong. He had spoken clearly about what he needed and even begged her to understand where he was coming from. Tonight had been on her.

Her heart was in the right place, that much he knew. She was just as scared as he was of something happening, not being strong enough to fight away the demons he had been fighting all these years.

His arm moved over his eyes, trying his best to tune out the voices in his head as they continued to remind him of his failures throughout the years. From drugs to suicide attempts and everything in between, his life had become a living nightmare.

Just go to sleep.

The voice was soft and melodious as it called out to him.

"I can't," he whispered, his voice cracking as he fought back the tears. "I don't want to sleep yet."

Sitting up on the bed, he reached for his phone. Over a dozen missed calls, voicemails, and text messages from Vanessa and a few from the others asking what was going on. Letting out a sigh, he opened her messages.

⸸ Ness ⸸- Pelle please come home...

⸸ Ness ⸸- Please answer! I'm sorry...

⸸ Ness ⸸- Pelle??? Are you ok???

⸸ Ness ⸸-I'm getting scared...Can you just tell me where you are, so I know you're safe?

⸸ Ness ⸸- Pelle please. I'm sorry for acting that way. I should have just given you space like you asked and not pushed you. I'm terrified of losing you or something bad happening and it's eating me alive. I'm scared to death right now and it feels like I can't breathe. I don't want to fight with you anymore, I just want us to be together and work this out. Please...just...let me know you're safe...I love you.

With a long sigh, Dead hit the call button.

"Pelle?" she cried out. "Are you okay?"

It came as no surprise that she had answered after the first ring.

"I'm fine," he managed. "I'm sorry about tonight."

"No, you don't have anything to apologize for. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard. I know things have been rough lately and it doesn't really seem like it's going to get better anytime soon, but please just come home. We can work this out."

"I just need some space for a little while. I'm lost in my own head and it's starting to truly scare me. I killed someone, Ness, and even if it was for a good reason that will never change the fact that someone is dead because of me. What happened to you was unforgiveable and he got what was coming to him, but it's still eating away at me."

"Pelle," she started. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was hurting you this much."

You never asked...

"Maybe tonight could have been handled better, but I'm sticking to what I said. I love you more than anything and I promise we are not over. I'm just asking for you to please..."

He stopped at the sound of a knock at the door.

"I'll call you back," he said darkly.

"What's going on?"

Hanging up, Dead walked to the door, his scowl deepening.

How hard is it to be left alone?

"Who is it?" he ground out.

"It's just me, open the door."

His mouth fell open, a small wave of shock jolting through his body.

"Øystein?"

"No it's the damn pizza delivery guy. I've got a large meat with an extra helping of asshole."

Dead quickly opening the door, his mind almost not believing what was right in front of him.

"What are you doing here?"

Euronymous rolled his eyes, pushing past Dead to make his way into the room.

"I don't know exactly what has been going on between you and Vanessa, but I think maybe it's time you start thinking about maybe getting some professional help. All the shit that has been going on has clearly been messing with your head and I'm starting to worry you're going to do something stupid."

"I figured you were coming here to cuss me out."

Euronymous shook his head. "I thought about it, believe me, but that isn't going to solve anything."

Dead sighed, sitting back down on the bed. "She keeps messaging me to go back home. I honestly thought that things would be better now that she was back in my life, but it's like a storm cloud is permanently hanging over my head. I don't want to be around her but at the same time I do. There's just so much that I can't explain, and it has me so frustrated. I can't put it into words what I'm feeling so it just turns into this uncontrollable anger. There's a huge part of me that just wants to end it, to finally be free of this life and let her move on while she still has a chance."

Euronymous stood in front of him, listening as Dead talked.

"Even the part of me that wants this to work knows I'm too much of a mess for things to ever really work. If this ban wasn't still in place I'd be trying to go back and fix my damn self!"

"But then you two wouldn't have ever met."

No, but at least she could find someone better.

"You need to at least think about getting some help. You've been refusing it for way too long."

"I've tried getting help!"

"You don't give it a fair chance! You forget that I've been dealing with this shit for years! I think I know what you've done and what you haven't done."

Dead glared up at him but even he knew there was no real conviction behind it. Euronymous, as usual, was right. He had never really given much of anything a fair chance and relapsed almost instantly.

"What do you suggest?" he mumbled.

Euronymous nodded towards the door. "I can either take you to a hospital and you can have yourself committed or I can walk out and let you destroy yourself."

"What do I tell Vanessa?"

"I'll deal with it. You just need to focus on getting better."

Dead nodded, his stomach in knots as he stood. "Alright. Lets go."