Come Back to Me

35

~

Euronymous sat on the couch strumming his guitar with Valerie beside him, her eyes closed with a small smile as she listened to him play for her. The past few weeks had been difficult for them all. Dead was in his own room, hopefully asleep, leaving the two of them alone.

"This is nice," Valerie commented.

Euronymous couldn't help but smile back at her, his fingers still working the strings. For once, he wasn't feeling sad or lost in his thoughts. His mind, for the first time in a long time, was finally silent. The past had started to feel less like a weight on his shoulders and more like the distant memory it actually was; for once, he was content.

Their relationship had been rocky, sometimes seeming as though they wouldn't get past their disagreements, yet they had continued to work together and rise above it all, coming out stronger than before. She had been there through his worst times, had his back and supported him. While there would always be a large part of him that was still longing for Vera, he had come to accept the fact that their relationship was gone. Clinging to her spirit wasn't what she would have wanted for him, she would have wanted him to move on and find love again. And now, he was almost certain he had done just that.

Setting down the guitar, Euronymous leaned back on the couch, his arm stretched out over the back of it.

"You know," he started. "I know it's been rough; things keep getting thrown at us but..."

He stopped as his phone began to vibrate. Picking it up and scrolling through the string of text messages from Vanessa, his smile dropped.

"What's wrong?" Valerie asked carefully, her hand reaching out for his.

He shook his head, reading the message over again. "Not sure. Vanessa just saying that she's going to be turning her phone of for the next couple days. I'm guessing whatever happened on their phone call struck a nerve or something."

Valerie tilted her head to the side. "She mentioned something about telling him she loved him but then he just hung up. I'm sure that's what has her upset."

"Maybe. I just don't get why she's sending it to me and not him."

Checking her phone, Valerie shook her head. "I got the same message. I think it's just something she's sending to the group, so we know not to bother her."

"That makes more sense. Hopefully the two of them figure out which direction they're going soon. I'm tired of the back and forth."

"That's not fair. Neither of them is in a good headspace, they've been through hell, and one of them literally went years without the other. I highly doubt you'd be thinking clearly or quickly if the roles were reversed."

"If the roles were reversed, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Seeing the look on Valerie's face had him regretting the words almost instantly, no matter how true they were.

"Val," he started quickly. "That's not...I didn't mean..."

"Just stop," her voice cracking. "I get it, Vera was your first love, and you miss her. But how long is it going to be before you let yourself be happy again? You guys were sixteen! It's like I'm competing with another woman. I'm trying to make this work but it's like you don't want to move on."

"It's not like that!"

"Then what is it?"

"You seriously don't understand! Imagine loving someone so much and then hearing they're dead after you've been asleep for a damn week! I never got to say goodbye to her, I was blamed by her parents, everything I loved was ripped away from me all because of some asshole who decided to drink and drive that day. I'm sorry I'm not perfect but you can't say that I haven't been trying. I didn't get the chance to go back and save her like your sister did for Dead. Do you know how that feels? No. I'm sorry I still have feelings for her, but you need to understand that despite whatever you believe, I have feelings for you too."

"You sure about that? Because from where I'm sitting it sure doesn't feel like it."

"What do you want from me?!"

Standing from the couch, Valerie shook her head. "Nothing."

He watched as she gathered her things and made her way to the door. Her eyes met his once more before she left.

Good job.

His hands clenched into fists, angry at himself for saying something so incredibly stupid.

Is it really stupid if it's the truth?

The thought almost had him thinking he was in the right...almost. Truth or not, Valerie had stood beside him through the worst of it all, she had every right to be upset.

Still...he couldn't help how he still felt. Maybe it was silly to still be holding onto Vera after so long, maybe he wasn't even holding onto her anymore but thoughts of what-if. The thoughts of what they could have been, the memories that could have been made, and the family they had talked about...maybe it was just a childish romance they would have eventually grown out of anyway. Nothing ever really lasted forever anymore, who was to say his relationship with Vera would be any different?

Her parents probably would have gotten into her head.

It had never been a secret that her parents had hated him. To them, he was a careless idiot hell bent on corrupting their daughter. He had dreams of becoming the biggest name in music, traveling the world. Meanwhile, they had wanted her to go to college, get a good degree, and marry someone who could take care of her. Instead, she had fallen for a nobody who could hardly take care of himself let alone someone else. She had become rebellious throughout their relationship, sneaking out late at night to go to parties, walking through town with him until just before the sun came up so her parents wouldn't notice she was gone.

Looking back on it, he was pretty sure they knew what she had been up to. The one thing he could say for certain they never did, despite her parents accusing him of it, was have sex. At most, they had been in the back of his car naked with a little bit of heavy petting, or in the lake on summer nights, but Vera had made it clear she had wanted to wait. She was an absolute angel; one he had dragged down with him into Hell. Even now, he couldn't blame her parents for hating him, If anything, he hated himself right along with them.