Come Back to Me

22

His heart pounded against his chest, the group that had caught his eye honestly hadn't been doing anything particularly interesting or exciting, but he couldn't help the rush of emotions. The group looked to be about fifteen to sixteen years old, two boys and two girls laughing as they walked down the street.

She's around their age now...

The thought had his stomach turning, a horrible realization hitting him like a punch in the gut. Even if he did manage to find her there was no way in hell he could even consider talking to her without being labeled as some kind of pervert.

"She doesn't even know who I am," he mumbled to himself.

Suddenly he felt as if he were going to be sick.

She doesn't remember...doesn't know me...us...

Dead could feel his body start to shake, his body suddenly going cold as panic set in. All of their memories were now only his. Everything they had done together, said to each other, every promise they made, was now just a memory that only he could recall. The love she had for him didn't exist yet.

If I'm here now, how does she know me later?

Dead pressed his fingers against his eyes. "How does this even work if I'm alive now? Going back to save us was the reason we met to begin with."

The headache was instantaneous. The whole concept of her traveling back gave him headaches when he had first learned about it and it sure as hell hurt his head now trying to figure it out. The only thing that was certain was that he couldn't reach out to her yet, even if he did manage to find her on any form of media. For now, he would have to keep everything as vague as possible. Only telling people that he was looking for a lost lover but giving no real details as to who she was so that no one could guess it was her. With any luck, the Vanessa he knew would see he was looking for her and find him.

"The Vanessa I knew..."

He took a final glance at the group, they were further away now, and wondered what she was like. Was she similar to the woman he knew? Or was she completely different? If they found each other again he would most likely ask her what it had been like during those years and hopefully learn more about the person she was before they met.

Walking further down the street, Dead stopped in front of a bar. He had been to this one several times before, a fairly decent place with good prices and no one that bothered him. Shaking his head, he continued on his walk. The past few days had been filled with drinking, drugs, blood, and any other form of non-leathal torture he could get away with. The thought of running into Vanessa anytime soon, even if she didn't recognize him, the way he was now had him feeling even more guilty. She hadn't saved him just so he could slowly kill himself before they had a chance to have the life they talked about. He was almost certain that she would be disappointed in him if she ever saw him like this.

I need to get it together...

If not for himself, then for her at the very least. Even if she didn't remember him, he remembered her and would remember their love for the both of them until she could remember for herself that she loved him. Until then, he would have to keep pushing with Mayhem, life, and everything it seemed to throw at him. There were obviously going to be rough patches, but getting to the end of it alive to see her again made it all worth it. The other women that flung themselves at him meant nothing to him and could continue to try, but no one would ever be able to compete with her.

"There will only ever be her," he stated. "From now until the end, only her."