Come Back to Me

25

When Valerie woke up, it was to the shocked gasp of her sister. She could feel her stomach drop and face heat, knowing what her current position looked like. Her eyes stayed locked on Vanessa as she slowly got off the couch, Euronymous still snoring softly on the couch.

"I can explain," she whispered. "I swear it isn't what it looks like."

Vanessa half smiled at her sister. "I'm just glad you both still have clothes on."

Valerie rolled her eyes as the two made their way into the kitchen. "Look, I know what it looks like but it really was nothing. I'm not one to step out of my relationship."

"No matter how bad a relationship you have."

Valerie nodded. "Exactly."

The lack of conviction in her voice was obvious to both of them. It had been no secret that her love life was a current disaster. She had been pregnant at one point not long ago, but had lost the baby. She hated to admit that it had brought her some relief when it happened as she hadn't really been ready to be a mother. She doubted she ever really would be. She had tried dating other people but nothing seemed to last.

"He's really not a horrible person," Vanessa spoke up. "Might be a bit lost at times, but he's pretty decent."

Valerie glared over at her, but knew it held no real conviction. "I don't think anything would ever come out of it even if I did have those thoughts. He's clearly still wrapped up about someone else and doesn't want to move on. I can't exactly force it."

"No," Vanessa agreed. "But that doesn't mean you can't at least tell him how you're feeling."

"Ness, I don't even know what I'm feeling. Yes, I'll admit there was something there last night but I can't be certain it wasn't just a buzzed thought. I had a bit too much to drink and he had some too so whatever happened was pretty influenced."

"You're pretty defensive over something that was 'pretty influenced.'"

"I..."

Her mouth closed, not knowing what to say. Vanessa was right, that much she knew. If there really wasn't anything between them, then why argue?

"Fine," she sighed. "I admit that there's some small feelings but there's no point in talking about it when he's still waiting for someone else."

Vanessa nodded. "I can't really say anything against what he wants, would be pretty hypocritical, but that doesn't mean you can't try. Maybe he felt something too. You have to at least try."

Valerie looked down at the floor. "What if he didn't? That's a huge gamble, Ness."

"So is everything else. The worst that can happen is he'll say he's not interested, but you could easily be wrong and he could say he is."

"Who's wrong?" Dead asked sleepily.

Vanessa looked over at Valerie who just nodded.

"Val likes Euronymous and doesn't want to tell him," she explained.

Dead's eyes shot over to Valerie, the tiredness suddenly gone. "You like him?"

The question hadn't been harsh.

"You're not angry?" Valerie asked carefully.

Dead half shrugged. "I may not be happy with him right now but that doesn't mean I hate him. Vanessa and I have been talking and I'm trying my best to forgive his part in everything. If you like him, good for you. He could use someone to take his mind off things."

Two cups of coffee later, Euronymous joined them in the kitchen, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Morning," he groaned out. "There any coffee left?"

Vanessa nodded. "Just finished making another pot."

"Great."

Vanessa and Dead looked between Euronymous and Valerie before standing up from the table.

"Talk to him," Vanessa whispered. "We'll be in the living room if you need us."

The two left, leaving them alone in an awkward silence.

Euronymous was the first to break the silence. "Sleep ok?"

Valerie nodded. "For once I actually did. You?"

He shrugged. "Aside from a stiff neck I slept pretty good."

She nodded, watching as he took the seat across from her.

"We should talk," she finally said.

He let out a small laugh. "Straight to the point, huh?"

She couldn't help but laugh with him. "Yeah I guess so. So, about last night..."

His eyes lifted to meet her gaze, her breath catching in her throat.

"I, um..." she started. "I know I had a bit too much to drink last night, but I do know that I may have some...feelings for you. I have for a little while and last night made it pretty apparent. I know you're still waiting for the ban to be lifted so you can be with the person you really love, but I figured you should know."

His gaze hardened, the laughter gone from his face and replaced with total seriousness. She prepared for him to yell at her, call her stupid for thinking she could ever be with him when he clearly loved someone else, but he just watched her.

The silence, she decided, hit her harder than any rejection. Her throat tightened as she held back tears, refusing to break down in front of him.

"I should go," she said quickly, leaving the table before he had the chance to say anything.

Pulling on her jacket, she made her way past Vanessa and Dead to the door.

"What happened?" Vanessa questioned, her voice worried.

"I'm going for a walk," her tone was short, leaving no room for her sister to press further.

Making her way outside, Valerie finally allowed herself to let herself breathe freely. It came out in short gasps, the tears now forming in her eyes as she walked away from the house. She had expected the rejection, yet it hurt more than she had thought.

Stupid! What did you expect to happen?

She hadn't really expected much, but she had hoped...

"Valerie, wait!"

Turning, she saw Euronymous running down the road towards her. Her heart picking up speed as he stopped just inches away from her.

"I'm sorry," he panted. "You deserve someone a lot better than me, someone who isn't a coward and an actual leader. You deserve a real man. But I can't say that I don't have at least some feelings for you. I can't promise you anything, I can just promise to try and not be a bastard. I won't ever stop loving Vera, but like you said, the ban might never be lifted and I know she wouldn't want me to keep living in the past and over what could have been. So, if you're willing to deal with me, I'm willing to see where this goes."

Nodding, she quickly wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling him tense before wrapping his own around her.

"I have a lot of darkness in my heart and mind," he continued.

"I don't care," she whispered into his chest. "I'll help you find the light."

**I promise this story isn't forgotten or on hold. There has been a lot going on in my life the last few months and it's been a struggle updating like before. I'm trying my hardest to get the next updates done as quick as I can. I wanna say thank you for all the support you have given so far and I hope to keep making you all happy.

Thank you for your patience and I hope you continue this journey with me <3**