Come Back to Me

18

There hadn't been much talking when Dead had gotten to the hospital. Necro and Hellhammer were already waiting for him, both of them looked like they hadn't slept since this whole disaster started.

"You guys look like shit," he tried to joke.

No amount of joking could lighten the mood. The three shared an awkward laugh, but that had been the extent of that. What happened and what was happening couldn't be laughed away or slept off. Their world was about to change and the end results were bound to be mixed at best. At worst, well, that was anyones best guess.

Dead let out a breath. "I don't know what to do. It seems like just as soon as I get her back and things are looking up something has to rip it away from me."

Necro gave Dead a small glare. "I don't think this is just about you, Pelle."

Dead's head snapped over to his direction. "No shit."

Hellhammer was the next to speak, his hand raised slightly. "Look, let's all calm down before we say something we'll regret. It's been hell for all of us, Vanessa especially, but fighting isn't going to help her or Euronymous."

Dead snarled at the name. "Fucking traitor."

"What do you mean?" Necro asked, confusion spreading across his face.

"The bastard knew what Varg was going to do! He sent me a message just before it happened saying I needed to get back to the house. He was in on it the whole time! Not only that, but so was Jess."

Hellhammer furrowed his brows. "Your ex-girlfriend?"

"The one and only. Turns out she's Varg's long time lover. If anyone even suggests she didn't know about it I'm calling bullshit."

"Well we don't know for sure what part she played. Either way, there's a seventy-thirty chance you're right."

"I'm thinking more in the ninety percent range."

"And you have every right to think that."

Dead looked down at the floor, strands of hair falling into his eyes. He may not know exactly what part she played in any of this, but something told him it was more than he probably wanted to know. Jess was cold and calculating, but was she really this cold?

Does it matter?

It did to him. If Varg couldn't stand trial to answer for what he had done then she would be the next one called out given her connection. It would all come out one way or another just what she had a part in. He would make sure of that. For now, he needed to be there for Vanessa.

"What room did they move her to?" he asked finally.

Necro motioned down the hall. "Room 312 last I heard. I think they said something about the cops coming back at some point to talk to her more but that was hours ago so they might have already talked to her."

"I'm going to go see her."

"Pelle," Hellhammer whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Just remember to keep calm when you see her. Don't do anything to upset her."

"I didn't plan on it."

~

Clouds filled the afternoon sky, growing darker as they rolled in and cooling the air around her. Any minute it would start to rain; but what did a little water matter anymore? The air was filled with a thick tension that only she could feel, a sharp ache in the depths of her chest as she swallowed the sobs that kept bubbling up in the back of her throat. Each time she did, she could feel her throat get tighter as if she were being choked. Breathing hurt, moving just left her wanting to collapse onto the ground, she wanted to run away from everything but knew no amount of running would ever bring him back to her.

She hadn't slept since she had gotten the news of his death and when she did manage to close her eyes for an hour or two he was in her nightmares begging her to help him.

He'd never beg for anyone.

Jess couldn't help but wish that he would have at least asked for her help with what he was doing.

Would you really have helped him with what he did?

The question burned inside her mind for the hundredth time. She wanted to believe that she would have done anything to help Varg, give him anything and everything he asked of her; but to go as far as that seemed to be impossible for her to rationalize.

The story itself was horrific, some details left out for obvious reasons or exaggerated depending on which version was read, but they all had one common denominator; he had very nearly killed Vanessa with what he had done.

He had been cruel to do what he had done and even she couldn't blame Dead for what he had done. She had loved Varg with every piece of her heart and soul, or at least she thought she had.

"Maybe I never really knew him to begin with," she mumbled to herself. "I didn't think he'd go that far. I may have wanted to help make Pelle's life a little more miserable but not like this!"

Her mind was torn. If she openly mourned the loss of the one person she had actually loved she would be seen as a heartless woman who didn't care about what he had done, there would be no coming back from that level of shame. At the same time she wanted to hate him, curse his name and every lie he had fed her throughout their relationship.

Maybe there never was a relationship. Maybe I was just being used.

The possibility stung just as bad as the news of his death. It wasn't unlikely that she had just been another pawn in his game, in fact, it was almost a certainty that that's exactly what she had been. Anytime they had been together all he wanted to know about was Dead and the other's, where Euronymous' headspace was and how close they all seemed. Never once did it feel like an actual relationship.

No...

She had been used and that was all there was to it.

"Damn him," she ground out. "Damn him to hell and damn me for ever believing him. I'll see you in hell, Vikernes, you can count on that."