Come Back to Me

24

Valerie stared across the room over at Euronymous, her eyes sweeping over every inch of him wondering what exactly he was thinking. Nothing had been easy for them lately, and he had gotten the brunt force of it all. She could understand why Dead would resent him the way he did, but on the other hand there had to be a limit for how long he could hold it against him.

At one time or another she hadn't exactly cared much about being around the guitarist, but Valerie found herself feeling bad for him after a while. She wouldn't exactly call themselves friends, but she didn't hate him as much as before. And if Vanessa could find it in her heart to not hold anything against him, why couldn't Dead?

That's a stupid question.

She smirked to herself. It was the stupidest question she could have ever thought of. Dead had every reason to be protective of Vanessa after what they had been through together and even more of a reason to be untrusting of those who hurt him given the story of his past. Still, she wondered where the line was drawn. Euronymous had made a mistake, most likely out of fear, but it was a mistake he tried to fix; surely that had to mean something.

"Why are you staring at me?" he finally asked.

Valerie shook her head. She hadn't realized she'd been staring at him that long. "I, um, I wasn't."

Euronymous let out a dry laugh. "So you were just staring through me or something?"

Valerie sneered teasingly back at him. "You got that right."

The guitarist went back to looking at the television, noting out of the corner of his eye that she was, in fact, still staring at him.

"Can I ask you something?"

Her voice was low. So low that he wasn't even sure that she had really said anything.

"What?"

She took a quick glance around the room, making sure they were alone.

Euronymous almost burst into laughter watching her. They had been alone for most of the night with Dead and Vanessa asleep upstairs, Necro going out to the bar, and Hellhammer hanging out at a friend's house. It had been the first time the two had ever really been left alone together.

"What happened?" she continued to whisper. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

Euronymous tossed his head back on the couch, his eyes closing. "Why that question? Out of everything you could ask, you go with that."

"I'm just trying to understand what happened. I know Dead has been pretty harsh on you and I want to understand your side of the story. I figured you could use at least one person on your side."

Opening his eyes, he stared over at her. "Why would you want to be on my side?"

"Everyone needs someone."

He stared at her another moment, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath.

"It's pretty pathetic," he started. "He threatened to ruin me, Mayhem, everything we've been working for if I didn't go through with it. When he finally told me what his plan was I felt sick to my stomach; I really wanted to say something then."

"So it was pretty much you trying to save the band from going down?"

"No! You don't get it!" his voice became defensive. "He was getting ready to say so much bullshit to people! Hell he was going to accuse me of having a damn relationship with a minor! That's just what he said he was gonna do to me. Shit like that is hard to stop once it's out in the open."

Valerie's eyes moved to the floor. "Yeah, that's a pretty nasty hole to dig out of."

"Believe me, I didn't want things to go this way. I was mad at Vanessa, I'll admit that, but I never wanted it to go that far. I thought at first it was just scaring her a bit or something, but then it went to this."

"Why were you mad at her to begin with?"

Euronymous shook his head, tears starting to fall down his face. "I tried not to be mad at her. It was never her fault to begin with but then the ban happened and it just made me so angry. Dead finally was able to get his happiness and it was like mine was still being taken away from me."

Valerie nodded. "You were gonna do what she did with Dead?"

"I know it's no excuse for anything that's happened, and I'm sorry for everything that's happened. Varg used it against me and I just went with it. I'm a fucking coward."

Valerie thought for a moment, trying to find the right words to comfort the man in front of her. She could sympathize with everything that happened to him before and after Varg had come into their lives, she could see why he had been afraid to go to anyone for help especially when it seemed like no one had ever really been on his side before this.

"It's been a long time since you've been the leader, hasn't it?" she finally asked.

All he could do was clench his eyes shut.

She could see his body shaking, trying not to completely break down. Taking a sip of the wine she had beside her, Valerie stood up and made her way to the couch to sit beside him. His eyes remained closed, but she could feel him tense as she took hold of his hand.

"You're not undeserving of happiness, Øystein. Maybe instead of clinging to the past it's time to look to the future. The ban might not be lifted for a long time, if at all. You shouldn't wait that long to find your happiness. I know letting go hurts, but you can't let it consume you like this."

Maybe it was the wine that had given her the confidence to be this close to him, to try and help him to the best of her abilities. Whatever the reason, she couldn't deny the warm feeling deep in her chest.

This is the alcohol talking. You've had too much to drink.

Ignoring the small voice, she leaned in closer to him. His cologne filled her nose along with something she could only describe as a smell all his own.

You're playing with fire.

The voice grew louder, trying to tell her to stop and leave it all be. The two of them hadn't ever spent much time together, let alone enough time for her to want to be as close as she was to him. She hadn't liked him the day they met, had grown to tolerate him afterwards, and now, for some inexplicable reason, she found herself drawn to him.

You need to stop before you do something you'll regret. He doesn't need someone coming onto him right now.

That she could agree with. Moving slightly closer, she rested her head on his shoulder. She could feel the tension beneath her, his hand squeezing hers as they sat in silence. Whatever happened after tonight, Valerie took a small comfort in knowing that now Euronymous at least had someone on his side that would stick up for him and help guide him through the coming days. Whatever the other's had to say about it didn't matter. If Vanessa could forgive him and move on, the rest of them could learn to as well.