Karl, drunk: So when you stick it in my mouth, do you want me to look you in your eyes?
Y/n, red: Just blow in the breathalyzer please, love
~
Y/n: Just say when
Karl: When
Y/n: I-
Y/n: Now or later
Karl: Oh
~
Y/n, throwing their head into Karl's lap: Tell me I'm pretty
Karl, stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are but you're gorgeous
~
Y/n: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful, and organized
Karl: *Steps on caterpillar and proceeds to drop to his knees and sob while apologising *
Y/n: That one, I want that one
~
Phil, before leaving the house: No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, not ritual animal slaughters of any kind
Phil: Oh god I'm just giving them ideas
~
Tommy: Y/n what are you doing?
Y/n, squinting at Tommy through a fork annoyed: Imaging your in jail
