They say that love is taking risk... Pero paano kung hindi mo kaya? Paano kung ayaw mong sumugal? Paano kung takot ka paring masaktan? Paano kung you choose not to fall in love because you're afraid to take risk? kaduwagan na ba 'yon?
Hindi ko alam naguguluhan ako, takot akong masaktan pero gusto ko siya. Takot akong pumasok sa isang relasyon dahil natatakot ako na baka iwan lang nila ako ulit, pero gusto ko siya. I am confused. I don't know what to do with my life anymore.
He is the first person who made me feel that I was valued. He is the first person who never gets tired of understanding me. And as I look at him now signing some papers, napag-isip-isip ako na kahit gaano ko siya ka-gusto, natatakot parin ako.
Hindi na ata mawawala 'yong takot ko sa pagmamahal at pakikipag-relasyon. It will forever be there in me, it will forever leave a scar in my soul. Sobrang trauma ang naramdaman ko simula ng iwan kami ni Mama.
Pakiramdam ko lahat ng lalaki na papasok sa buhay ko, mawawala rin. Kaya natatakot akong sumugal sa kan'ya, kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na sa oras na sumugal ako sa kan'ya, ibang sakit ang matatamo ko.
He will be my greatest heartbreak if ever.
"You're spacing out again, ma'am." Hindi ko namalayan na nakalapit na pala siya sa'kin.
It has been weeks since I started working inside his office. He never let me work again outside. Kaya lahat ng mga gamit ko pati lamesa ay nasa loob na ng opisina niya.
"Sorry... May iniisip lang kasi ako." I honestly said.
It's also been weeks since we were close and have sex. Wala kaming relasyon pero nagse-sex kami. Hindi maganda pero nakikita ko nalang 'yong sarili ko sa kama, nasasarapan sa mga halik niya.
"Can I know what were you thinking?" Malambing na sabi niya.
He caressed my hair as I leaned my head in his chest. It was my favorite part of him if I wanted to rest my head. Sobrang bango niya kaya mas gusto ko na malapit siya sa'kin.
Should I tell him? That I wasn't ready for a commitment? That I was scared of being in a relationship?
Hindi pa man din ako nakakapag salita pero, may dinugtong na agad siya na nakapagpa-tigil sa'kin.
"What are we, Max?" I stiffened.
Ano nga bang relasyon namin? Fubu? Dating? Friends? Co-workers? Or all of the above?
Umahon ako sa pagkakahiga sa dibdib niya. I stare at him and his eyes are cold. I can't see the gentlessness in it whenever he looked at me.
Tumungo ako. "H-Hindi ko alam..." Nahihiyang sabi ko. "Natatakot ako, Nathan. I was scared of taking risk."
YOU ARE READING
Tanging Dahilan (Daylight Series #2)
Teen FictionDaylight Series #2 Temporary People... They were meant to leave. Some people come to our lives it's either a lesson, or a blessing. The universe will give them to us to be our greatest lesson. Sometimes, our greatest lesson once become our blessing...
