Tanging Dahilan (Daylight Series #2)

Chapter 26

I have always been so consistent about my beliefs in life. Namulat ako sa mundo na hindi pinaniwalaan ang salitang 'pagmamahal'. Love has never occupied my mind the moment that I reached the age of adulting. All I wanted is to have a decent job to sustain my family, to make my father stop working. To become the mother-figure of Andrei while he was growing up.

Pero hindi parin talaga mawawala ang taong magiging 'tanging dahilan' kung bakit mapapako ang paniniwala natin. Hindi porke't gano'n ang paniniwala mo ay wala ng taong makakagiba no'n. I have always been so sure of not falling in love with someone.

Palagi kung pinapaalala sa sarili ko na, darating parin 'yong araw na iiwan ako ng taong mamahalin ko. I'm not stone for not to feel any love or feelings in me. I just build walls for myself to never let someone break it, pero meron paring sumira no'n.

Meeting him was like an answered prayer. He made me feel how consistent he is when it comes to me. How he made me feel love and valued, how he assures me that he will never leave me. How he make me feel that I deserved the world and I deserved to be love and doesn't deserve a bare minimum.

He became my safe space, my safe haven, my home. I always feel like I'm home between his arms, his comforts. Nakakalimutan ko na hindi pala ako naniniwala dati sa 'pagmamahal' at 'pakikipag-relasyon' but then...

All the walls that I built for myself has crashed down when I met him. Kahit intensyon 'yong pagkikita namin.

"Pa... Tulungan mo naman ako oh." My voice broke.

After the interaction of Nathan and Savina in the party, I left. Gusto ko bigla mapag-isa, I wanted to have someone I can talk to. Gusto ko makasama ang Papa ko at makausap siya. I miss hugging him and telling him my problems.

Naka-gown pa ako at dito na ako dumiritso. Nag-taxi lang ako kasi Van 'yong dala namin sa party. Parang bigla kung nakalimutan ang kasalanan ni Nathan ng makita ko siya kanina. All I wanted to do is to hugged him and tell him that I am tired. Pagod na akong magtrabaho para ma sustentuhan ang sarili ko.

Gusto kung sabihin sa kan'ya lahat ng hinanakit ko sa buhay. Parang lahat ng 'yon ay naipon sa'kin at gusto ko siya ang makinig sa'kin. Gustong-gusto kung kumaripas ng takbo papunta sa kan'ya at yakapin nalang siya. I wanted to feel his warm, his embrace, his comfort. I wanted to be lock between his arms and just rest.

"Pagod na pagod na ako, Pa. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko." I wiped my tears. "Ayokong isturbuhin si Andrei sa bahay, alam kung stress rin siya."

I was drained from all the works that lined up. Hindi ako nagrereklamo sa dami no'n pero gusto ko rin magpahinga. Kahit isang linggo lang para maipahinga ko rin ang utak at mata ko. Tahimik ang buong paligid kaya mas lalo 'yong nakadagdag sa lungkot na naramdaman ko.