Reviews and recommendation

Cruenta Vindicta - Bloody revenge

By Melonarii

I'm honestly getting a bit tired of fantasy.

It's just... so hard.

You have to invent a whooole world.

After it, find your story.

Most importantly: get your reader interested enough to spend the time to get into the story. Most of these are quite impossible on Wattpad.

This is the fast food of literature.

We're reading on the bus. We've never actually studied creative writing (well, most of you). We're scrolling shamelessly on boring parts.

Fantasy is the epitome of creative writing, the most difficult genre out of a difficult hobby. On the hardest platform for it. Just why is it so popular?

This book is good, don't get me wrong.

But I'm getting so tired of fantasy.

Sorry, @Melonarii for using your review as a rant.

I tried to be useful, in return.

POSITIVE NOTES

1. Teenage court and fantasy

Despite the setting, an high court fantasy, most of the characters are quite young. But most importantly, they behave their age. They do mistakes, panic, try to cover them, provoke each other, get crushes. It's easy to get attached.

Side note: the fantasy court is quite original, also. We don't find ogres and fairies, but we see centaurs and vampires. Love it. This also add to the second positive point:

2. Explanations

We don't get the annoying "LET'S EXPLAIN EVERYTHING" chapter at the beginning.

Quite simply, humbly, we get a little explanation of new characters and events at the end of every chapter, just like an anime or an online course.

Much appreciated by us dumb readers.

Side note for other authors:

Take notes.

The "introducing" chapter is absolute bullshit. It takes off every kind of suspense your book could have had.

NEUTRAL NOTES

1. Witty start

I've seen this a lot of times: it is becoming popular to start your book with a witty conversation.

Of course, your first chapter needs to be catchy. Jokes are the way to a reader's heart.

But I'm honestly not a fan, for a number of reason:

a. They're hard. To get a perfect witty dialogue, you have to be a master at punctuation (where am I supposed to read fast? When do the jokes start?), tones (in your dialogue, we keep going from relaxed, to alert, to offended, surprised, stressed, etc. It becomes hard to read it with the right tone) and characterization (Are they both sarcastic for a coincidence or are all your characters sarcastic for a mistake? In the first chapter, no way to know.)

b. Hello, brother-who-is-raising-me-after-our-parent's-tragic-and-suspicious-death,-how-is-your-very-hot-best-friend? Aka: info dumping.

It's still your first chapter. We need to know where, when and what are we.  You're not at fault of this, your dialogue doesn't reveal too much. I'm mostly writing this for the other writers who're reading and might be at fault.

2. Title

Cruenta vindicta – Bloody revenge

Basically the same title, first in Latin, then in English.

It is quite easy to understand. But as a reader, I will read it as a whole, making it quite a long, intricate title. I would suggest sticking with one of them, depending on the mood. This gets me to the first and most important negative point:

NEGATIVE NOTES

1. Mood

This is the main thing I have to say about this book:

Where is it going?

Your blurb leaves me confused.

We are introduced to Ren, a vampire hunter, and royal guard, in love with the princess and mortal enemy of one of the king's allies, the Vampire King.

Therefore, is it going to be a love story, where they have to defend themselves from the vampires? Is it going to be a descendant arc? The vampire king kills/does something to the princess, setting up Ren's bloody revenge?

As a writer (and a sucker for descendant arc) I'm praying for the second.

But if that is the case, your book is far too... nice. At the moment.

I understand the first few chapters are supposed to be the "happy one" in any case, even if there is a descendant arc, but by the time the turnover comes, most of your readers might have left, misled.

My advice: either make something happen sooner (maybe the Vampire king's attack actually works? She will forever hate herself for not protecting the princess's father?) or add a dark prologue (which might alter your story much less...)

2. Spelling msiastkaes

There are a couple of spelling mistakes throughout your book. Of course, since it's ongoing, you haven't edited it yet. But I would recommend you to, or to download software like Grammarly for auto-check.

Sucfesfully (chapter 1)

Contninue (chapter 2)

To he going well (blurb)

3. Too direct

When Ren looks at Bowen, either explain their romantic relationship in a cold way (if it's not too relevant to the story) or show it.

Make her heart flutter. Describe her hair, her face, her expressions, something Ren adores in her. Just saying "their friendship had gotten stronger and stronger, and even went beyond that..." does not sort any effect. The reader will still just register "ok. They're dating." That's it.

It is pretty much like saying "She got in the car. Leaving her backpack on the seat, she drove to school. She went to St.Mary's High school..."

The "..." are supposed to create suspense, where there is none.

Either take them off or try to "spice" the moment a bit.

4. Egg.

Fantasy is based a lot on respect for the author. I mean, If I have to learn and memorize the history, rules, fashion, etiquette, and races of your fantasy world, I need to trust you enough time too.

Having just a cute little egg as a profile picture is a little misleading.

IN GENERAL:

This book could potentially go into the masterpieces section or in... nothing. A nice, cute, romantic story. Just like a million others.

I guess we will see ;)