Reviews and recommendation

The Skelitin Saga

Hi, FloydLocke! A pleasure to see you again. 

This time, we switch from the chilling world of a zombie apocalypse to a warmer teen fantasy.

You definitely have range.

Quick sum up of the story (from the Blurb):

When he was younger, Grayson Ritcher had been searching for something that didn't exist. Something from his favorite childhood book. A fragment of someone's imagination. The statues of two wizards, frozen in time, mid-duel.

He never thought that he'd find it. He never dreamed that they would break free. And he surely never expected that he would suddenly be trapped in the very center of the longest, deadliest, war, in the history of magic.

Let's get to work:

POSITIVE NOTES

1. Boing!

Aka, surprise effect!

Kind of related to my other point, but even in the darkest moment... this book finds an original way out of it.

Unexpected, funny, indomitable, quite a fun read. 

2. Scary and the Fantasy

I loved the way this book integrates fantasy elements into our everyday life.

We have Instagram, normal high school, normal interaction... but magic exists.

It's not really an innovation, but it's made spectacularly well.

Also, Scary is by far my favorite character. He is so unbothered at all times, no matter the situation.

NEUTRAL NOTES

1. Crystal:

Crystal seems like an interesting character: a much more calm, more "normal" teen than Gray. At the same time, he is the only person who loves Grayson enough to stay with him through the fantasy madness.

But poor Crystal has no respect in the book! Can we get to know her a little more?

2. Titles:

Just a small, stupid thing that bothered me: In some chapters, we have the Chpy. N° |, in some other, we don't. Maybe try to uniform the titles, if you've got time to spare.

NEGATIVE NOTES

1. Grayson: introduction and teenage angst

Your character is an angsty teen. Up to there, no problem. He suffered from a deep loss, it's not unrealistic for him to be mad at the world.

But it's really hard to relate to him. We might love him for his sass (I see a sparkle of it, there and then) but the way he sees everyone else really makes him annoying.

There is no respect in the presentation of Crystal, his father, or anyone else.

I know thanks to your other book (and Michael) that it's not a writing issue. Most likely, I dare to say, it might be a choice to better identify with the view of an angry teenager.

But so far, it's not really working, as he seems mostly sour.

Therefore I ask: who's your target?

If you're trying to speak to teens, this isn't the way. As weird as it sounds, for teens to love your characters, those people mustn't be teens. Or better, they can be 16-17 y.o., but they have to face real-world problems and not have a way out of it.

For example, for Grayson, you might work on a boy who's lost his mother, who's going to lose his home and friends, who gets blamed for most of the bad things that happen to him, and who has no control over his life.

Of course, he'd get frustrated. And mad. And we would be mad at him.

Right now, it's just a teen treating everyone like shit because, well, he is an angry teen. I'll never relate to someone who's rude just for the sake of it. And neither would teenage me.

Or maybe, just press a bit more on his positive traits? Make him more sassy, or make him care deeply for at least one person?

2. Rhythm:

Your book is so... random.

Of course, that helps the surprise effect.

But on the downside, you never know what a chapter is going to focus on.

Most of the actions seem completely random and I can't see a clear cause-effect course.

To clarify: we have calm moments in completely random places. The roof scene, then, where we would expect an unpacking or consequences of what just happened, the argument changes. Now we're talking about Gray having to move away. Suddenly, he's out of the house and randomly meets Crystal. Out of the blue, without either of them doing anything to cause it, they end up in the underground.

We don't really solve the fight question, we don't know how Michael survived, we don't know who's stalking him... but those things are ok. You're not supposed to give answers to your readers in the first few chapters. But when we're still trying to figure out a world, it's frustrating to change the focus so many times.