You're My Shrink For The Hour

Dr. Addison Reese

When Addison Reese gives you an assignment, it is necessary. I was sitting in Dr. Reese's office, and we were having a stare-down. I did not find a realtor and only looked at one house, however, I managed to have an essential conversation with both Alex and Carter.

"How are you this week?" She asked.

I sighed.

"I apologize for only doing the assignment half-assed."

"I asked you, how are you?" She repeated.

"I feel decent." I gingerly answered.

"You want to know why I got into therapy?" Dr. Reese asked

"Yes."

"My mother had Avoidant Personality Disorder in which a person experiences extreme shyness, sensitivity to negative criticism or rejection. I remember spending so much time in the hospitals and doctor's offices that I thought we lived there. Doctors could not even diagnose her correctly and psychologists didn't think to go through different personality disorders. She would sit in her room for 12 hours of the day and we use to sit food in front of her door.

 Black women receive little guidance when it comes to healthcare. I took my mother to the one black therapist we could find, and he finally diagnosed her. He was the only psychologist who looked at a black woman and took the time to diagnose her. He asked her a simple question that many others just skimmed past." She explained.

I nodded understanding clearly.

"When I ask how you are doing it's because that's where it all starts, and your continuous feelings and thoughts bring great doctors to the conclusion or answer." She continued.

"I feel decent today however it's been hard. I expect Alex to walk into the dance studio and call me babygirl. Then I start to feel bad because I feel that way because I have Carter, he cares and there in the way I want him to be." I answered.

"Try seeing if Carter can assist you in the home process." Dr. Reese said

"Why?"

"Alex was a partner even though he wasn't consistent. He was your dance partner, friend, and lover. You are changing your life into a new routine, so it is helpful to see if Carter is partner material. Looking for places is important and can be a stressor. You should see how he reacts and what he says in that setting." She explained.

"Okay, that sounds efficient." I agreed.

"Now that you have found a consistent therapist, what's going on?" She asked.

"I don't know... I am lost and that's a trigger of mine..." I admitted.

"Do you care to explain?"

"Being lost triggers me because it takes me back to those times my mom would lose me in the store and then when she finally took the plunge and just left my ass." I blurted out.

"I understand how being lost can be a trigger for you. I want you to explain to me why you think you lost." Dr. Reese said

"I gave up on the idea of the perfect therapist and now I found one... I do not really have a clue where to start my life. Even with getting a place... it's terrifying." I murmur.

"When you are lost you have to take a step in some direction. Whatever direction you will choose will lead you to a place where you will learn something profound about yourself."

"I'll take a step towards looking at places." I agreed.

"Don't look so disappointed about that step. Many people with certain mental issues spend their whole life with their caretaker and making that decision is not wrong however you're placing yourself in a new situation. Stop downplaying yourself." She replied and I smiled.

"Since you mentioned triggers, let's talk about some more of yours."

I sigh. "When people argue in public. My parents would argue absolutely anywhere they were together for too long."

"How does that affect how you deal with conflict?" She asked and wrote down some notes.

"I avoid it or get very passive-aggressive," I admitted and bit my lip.

"You know sometimes conflict is necessary. In the midst of conflict, you can really see how a person sees you or feels about you. Conflicts can bring resolve and healing. If you keep avoiding them, you may as result be avoiding what's needed for you to grow." Dr. Reese explained

"So, you're telling me to get into a fight?" I asked and chuckled.

"No, not exactly however in the face of healthy conflict don't run from it, embrace it and get through it." Dr. Reese answered

"Do you want me to keep going?" I asked.

"Whatever you are comfortable with." She stated.

"When Kasen comes homes later than when he promised. We have a system; he calls an hour before he is due home and texts with any updates. When he is seven minutes late, I start to worry." I shared.

"Does that also have to do with your parents?" Dr. Reese asked

"Yes, however every week, every month, every year; another black man is killed by a police officer. It does not matter how much they cooperate, how much money they make, the shade of their skin, and how much they beg. That black man could become the next hashtag, the next name on an extensive list of black people who have been murdered like its sport for these police officers. I give Kasen seven minutes to walk through that door... because society and everything are stacked against us because we are black. Doctors misdiagnose us black women and ignore our cries and Police shoot us like it's target practice." I said and tears poured out of my eyes.

Dr. Reese handed me a tissue and wiped her own eyes.

"I don't fully know how to tell you not to worry. My husband is an engineer and I tap my foot against the table if he is not home at our agreed time. I breathe with relief when his car lights shine against the window. I embrace him tight when he walks in, and he holds me tight. The world around us is going to change because we will push for the fight." Dr. Reese shared

"What you fight for is important and never stop... We push through during each of our sessions and your growth is specular." Dr. Reese continued

The alarm went off as soon as she said that which meant our session had reached its end.

"Thank you, Dr. Reese," I said and stood up.

"It's my pleasure. I'll see you next Friday and make sure you complete those ideas by the time I see you next week." She said and we shook hands.

..................

I walked out of the session and Carter called me.

"Yes, honey..." I chirped.

"Well, aren't you being sweet today." He chuckled.

"I thought I was sweet every day at least that's what you said last movie night." I teased.

"I said your kisses are sweet." He rebutted.

"Are you outside the building?" I asked.

"Yes, right in the front." He said and I hung up when I saw his car.

He stood outside the car waiting for me and I being the corny woman I am ran to him. Which made him laugh and he opened his arms for a hug.

"I am glad you made it safely to me," I whispered and squeezed him tight much like Dr. Reese described when she finally sees her husband.

"I am glad you are safely in my arms." He replied.

At that moment we were two carefree black people showing an organic moment of intimacy and affection.

I must thank Dr. Reese during our next session.