New Beginnings

19 - Blame Me

The next night, I decided it was time to have the conversation I had been both dreading and looking forward to. I had finally come to the realization that I wanted this, and I needed to know if this was what he wanted too. I needed a little something to take the edge off my nerves and help me overcome the fear I had been holding on to.

I opened a bottle of wine I had grabbed from Mom's. He didn't have wine glasses, so I poured it into two water glasses. I sat on the couch and handed him one. I toasted to "new beginnings" and he raised an eyebrow and smiled. We snuggled on the couch and watched a show. I was facing him with my legs across his and my head on his shoulder. His arm was around me and he had his cheek resting on my head.

"MinMin?" I summoned my courage.

"Yes, Cheonsa?" he kissed the top of my head.

"I think I am ready."

"Ready? For what?"

"You. I am ready for you. I've been holding you at arms length for long enough." I tilted my head back so that I could see his face. "If you want me, I am yours."

His expression grew intense and his eyes pulled me in. "Yes, Hannah. I do want you. I have wanted you since the first time I saw you in my door. I want you in every way possible. I want you to be mine." He stroked my cheek and we gazed deep into each other's souls. I felt connected to him in a way that I hadn't before that moment.

His kiss was tender as his lips covered mine. I was suddenly overcome with a rush of emotion and felt a tear fall to my cheek and run down to my lips. I could taste the saltiness and he pulled back to look at me.

"Are you OK?" he asked softly. I nodded as the tears broke free.

"I don't know why I am crying. I am happy," I said as I wiped my face with my hands. I smiled at him, but they kept coming. I felt relief. It was as if a dam had broken. He reached over and got a tissue from the box on the end table and handed it to me. I laughed awkwardly. "I guess this wasn't the response you were expecting."

"No, but I think I understand."

"Good, because I don't know if I do."

"You said you've been holding back. Now you aren't. Simple." He smiled at his deduction of the situation. It made complete sense. I turned and blew my nose lightly and asked for another tissue. He handed it to me over my shoulder. I wiped my face and turned back to him.

"I know I look like a hot mess right now." I dabbed my eyes again.

"Hannah, you look beautiful. You always look beautiful. First thing in the morning, sweaty after a work out, flushed after making love... especially then," he winked. "When you cry, when you smile, when you pout, when you are angry... always. I love all your faces and all your moods."

"Now I know you are full of shit," I laughed.

"Full of something, yes. But not that." He didn't laugh with me. "I am serious. I want to get to know the other parts that I haven't seen yet."

"I'd like that very much. And I want to get to know yours," I paused and played with his shirt collar. "So... does this mean we are boyfriend and girlfriend now?" I bit my lip and looked up at him. He smiled.

"I guess it does... my girlfriend. I like that."

"Me too, boyfriend." I giggled.

"Now shall we make it official?" he kissed me again. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. He laid me gently on the bed and then settled in beside me. He didn't make any moves. He just pulled me close and held me. He stroked my hair and then held my head against his chest.