Chapter 19: We're In This Together

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// "Let's be together again in our next life..!" //


CHAPTER 19: We're In This Together


~*~


"Eren..." a muffled yet solemn voice called out to him from outside his bedroom door of his apartment. Yes, it was his apartment...


It wasn't Levi's.


Eren couldn't bring himself to enter Levi's apartment...alone. It just didn't feel right at all. The air inside was suffocating without the raven-haired man and it just felt too... empty; empty of its warmth, its emotions... its joy.


"Eren..." the voice called again, "you can't keep staying in there all alone.


You need to come out. At least drink some of the hot cocoa I've made for you..." Hearing that, Eren felt his already swollen eyes water and he buried his face deeper into his knees. He felt guilty, yet he couldn't get up. He didn't want to go out just yet. His emotions were too frantic and mixed, overcome with grief that he couldn't find the energy to even budge from his curled position on the floor. He felt useless and ungrateful, but he couldn't do anything.


Just the night before... when Levi was arrested-was taken away from him-he could feel his hope escape him, he could feel his strength slip away from his soul. Eren wasn't one to give up easily; he would put up a fight for what he wanted-what he believed in. But it was on that night that, for the first time in his life, he couldn't do anything. He couldn't even fight back. He couldn't help Levi... but what's worse, was that Levi was in all of this mess because of him. It was his fault...

~*~


He remembered his struggle with Hanji... and even long after the doors slid shut, he was still trashing in Hanji's hold. He remembered collapsing into a pile of trembling sobs, gripping Hanji so tightly that he was amazed at how she didn't flinch even one bit. He remembered lunging at Erwin after he got his breathing and emotions back into pace. He remembered how strong Erwin was; easily lifting him up by the collar and pushed him against the wall. He remembered how Erwin commanded him to get a grip over himself... and he remembered feeling guilty for his outburst after Erwin's words hit him and the realization settle in. The two of them were probably just as lost as he was... and none of them could do anything.


All that left him that night was an empty void in his eyes, and an empty piece in his soul that could never be replaced.

He had walked out of the office-away from the other two-and for the first time since he left his original home, he had called Mikasa.


He was in a fit of tears and sorrow when Mikasa found him and brought him back to the apartment. She had wanted to bring him back home, or maybe to Armin's place, but Eren refused. He had said that he wanted to be alone, and so Mikasa obliged, though she didn't agree with leaving him there. So, she stayed with him.


~*~

"Eren... can I come in at least?" Outside of his room, Mikasa stood silently, watching the door with worry, and a cup of warm cocoa in her hands.

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