January

Thriteen

January

  After another pointless doctor visit. I got a text from Sawyer asking me if I'd like to come run errands with him and his mom. Of course I said yes. I love Mary she is so sweet and welcoming, and I also want to spend as much time as I can with Sawyer. Bryan said that i still in decent condition, and I should just be taking it a little easier on walking and not eating. Decent condition. Like I'm a car or something. Oh look at that January F150 she is in decent shape. He can be a douche sometimes, or all the time if you asked Sawyer. Sawyer was at the house in less than ten minutes, from when I arrived back. I didn't have time to freshen up so I have to make due with how I look. I walk towards his truck as he rounds it to open my door. I'm getting into the back since Mary occupies the front.

  "Where are we going today?" I ask Mary before Sawyer gets in the car. "The mall but don't tell him. He got grouchy the last time we went." I let out a small laugh. "It's because I wasn't there." She turns so she can see me and gives me the most genuine smile. "You do make him happy." My heart aches. If she only knew what I'd do to her sons heart, she'd hate me. I give her a weak smile back before the drivers side door opens. "What are you two talking about?" We both shrug at the same time and Sawyer shakes his head and starts the car. "Oh boy have I made a mistake."

Our first stop of the day is to Starbucks, pre my request. Sawyer was grumpy the entire line but ordered himself and cold brew. The next stop was a hardware store, he needed a new hammer, and Mary needed some electrical tape. I just followed behind enjoying the company and banter. I even chimed in some. Finally we hit the mall. Mary had to practically turn the wheel for Sawyer, but if I'm being honest we would've been go to the mall no matter what. That man loves his mom, and would probably buy us airplane tickets to Narnia if we asked nicely. "I'm going into that store you guys run alone, I'll call when I'm done." She's shoos use as she heads towards a woman's outlet. "Can we get ice cream." I stand in front of Sawyer so close I'm breaking my neck to stare up at him. He flips my nose before taking my hand.

"How am I supposed to say no to you two." He huffs out as he walks me towards a delicious smiling boutique. I run to the glass window and stare at all the flavours. "I hate this part." I cross my arms and glare at the glass. I can see Sawyer bend down at my shoulder smiling at my frown. "Why's that?" I run my arm the length of the window. "How am I supposed to subject to one flavour." He makes a "ah." Sound before laughing at me. I like when he does. I know most people would hate being laughed at, but I know he isn't making fun of me. He is just amused by me. The worker comes to ask us what we want, but I must look distort because Sawyer tells him we will get him when we're ready, so we might not ever leave. "Come on, you can't find one you like."

"That's the problem, I can find eleven." There is only twelve flavours, but the other one is rum and raisins. Yuck. I've always been the worst at making up my mind, especially when it came to things like ice cream, doughnuts, and cake. Like why only limit yourself to one flavour. I hear Sawyer walk away from me, he's probably already found his boring flavour and is eating it. It's probably chocolate too. I cringe at his choice. Well I don't really know if he even made one, I don't have time to focus on him. A few minutes later I think I've narrowed it down to seven flavours. I just need five more minutes. "Here you go miss." I look up to see the young man with an outstretched cone. The cone is a mix of colours and even textures. "I didn't order yet." He motions with his head towards Sawyer who is leaning against the counter eating a chocolate cone. "He did." I take the cone and walk over to him.

"What's this?" I shove the cone in his face. "Every flavour in there, except rum and raisin. That stuffs nasty." I leap into his arms. Wrapping them both around his neck while trying to keep my cone steady. "You have no idea how much that means to me." My emotions are surfacing again. Ugh. He hugs me back with one arm. The other one is probably gripping his beloved chocolate ice cream. "You're welcome." His soft voice makes the tears well again. I'm going to fucking miss him.

Sawyer

I watch Januarys lit up expression through the review mirror as my mom tells her stories from my childhood. I'm not even embarrassed, I want her to know them. "He then spent the entire night curled up under our covers, scared his toys were going to come to life. The next night he packed them all up and put them in the attic." Januarys laugh fills the car. She holds her stomach like it hurts from how hard she's laughing. "But Toy story isn't even scary. She manages to get out between fits of laughter. "They shouldn't be alive." She wipes under her eyes and for a second they lock with mine, before I have to look to the road again. I've excepted her just friends rule. But she and I both know friends don't feel the way we do.

Friends also don't have sex like we do. "January? I don't mean to dull the mood, but if you don't mind me asking. How did your parents pass?" I glance at my mom giving her a disapproving look. When I look back a January she just looks out the window. I can't really read her right now. Those blue eyes are somewhere else. The car is silent and my mom looks uncomfortable. "We we're heading to my fathers work event. But I was running late so he sent out driver home and said he'd just drive us when I got back home." She stares out the window remembering that night. "When I got home my father was furious, he would talk to me the entire ride, my mom said he'd be okay it was just an important night. My father had to stop for gas and when we pulled out of the station. He was in such a rush, he didn't yield and a truck hit us from the side and we spun out." She closes her eyes and rubs her chest.

"Everyone in that car dead. Everyone but me." Her voice is barley audible when she says the last part. My mom clenches her necklace. It has a photo of all of us in it. She is probably imagining how that would feel. "I think God is playing some cruel joke on me." She whispers this too, I don't even think my mom heard it. I look to her again and she is staring at me. Tears push and the water line of her eyes but she won't let them go. I look back to the road and when I glance at her again she is leaning her head against the window. No one speaks the rest of the way to my moms. I get out to walk her to the door after she says goodbye to January. "Please apologize to her for me, I shouldn't have brought it up." My mom looks over just as January hops into the passenger seat. "I'm sure she's fine. She wouldn't have talked about it if she wasn't okay too." I kiss her head and place her bags in the foyer.

She waves one last light to my truck. I try to offer a smile to her but she looks drained. I get in the truck and turn to her before pulling out. "Are you okay?" She close her eyes and leans her head back. "Just tired." Her head sways like she's having difficulty keeping it up. Damn she must really be tired. When I pull out and head towards town, she is passed out. Full on snoring. She looks so peaceful I keep driving. I don't want to wake her.