January

Twenty one

Sawyer

I watch her chest move up and down. She's still with you. She's still breathing. That thought doesn't make me relax though. I can't, not knowing one day soon I can't hold her, kiss her, hear her laugh. I pull her closer and she lets out a soft mumble. She talks in her sleep. I'm not surprised, she talks so much when she's awake, I didn't think it would just stop when she closed her eyes at night. It's been four days since she I took her to Rockford. It's been four days since she's felt okay. She has tried to fake it and tell me she's fine and that she just needs more rest. But all she does is sleep. I hope today is better, I'm praying today is better. She stirs and turns so she is facing me. She's still asleep. I gently touch her Cheek and kiss her lips. I don't want to wake her but I'm not opposed to see those beautiful blues.

It's about nine thirty in the morning. I should really be up running errands for the bar, but I can't leave her. Not yet anyways. I breathe in the scent of fresh laundry and cherries. My phone buzzes on the night stand breaking me out of my happy place. Linda lifts her head and I pat her. Reassuring her to go back to sleep. I quietly get off the bed and head out of the room. I trip over a t-shirt. The memory of me ripping that shirt off of her causing me to smile, and my dick to stiffen more then I already was. I make it down the stairs and to the living room, I hit answer and put it to my ear before I look at the caller ID. "Hello?" I groan out in between a yawn. I wasn't ready to get out of bed yet. "Hello." My fathers deep tone bellows through the phone. Any stiffness in my dick is long gone. "Father." He clears his throat.

"Sawyer, I was just calling to left you know dinner is at six. I look forward to seeing you." I pinch the bridge of my nose in irritation. I forgot I forgot I told my mom I'd go to dinner. I look up the staircase trying to see my princess tucked away. We have a time limit on our time together and it feels like I'd be wasting it if I went yo dinner. "I didn't tell mom I was for sure coming." A frustrated grunt sounds distant on the other line. When he comes back to the phone, his voice is calm. "We would like to see you. I would like to see you." I wouldn't be surprised if he was reading off a script with how unnatural his voice sounds. "I'll let mom know closer to six." I hang up the phone and take a seat of the stairs. I rest my elbows on my thighs and hang my head. Too much emotion runs through me, I don't know how to process anything. I need time, but time isn't my friend right now.

Warm hands run a soothing path down my back, and around my torso. I relax into the touch. Kisses get scattered around my shoulders and make there way to my neck. "Good morning Snow White." I whisper. "Mornin foxy." I tug her arm forward and pull her into my lap. She lets out a soft laugh. I brush my nose against hers before capturing her lips in mine. She tastes like heaven. Cherries and orange juice. She pulls away. Leaning her forehead against mine she reaches around the stroke the hair at the base of my neck. "You should go." I look up into her blue pools. There is nothing she could do wrong. I swear. "I don't want to." I pout. She laughs and kisses my lips again. Her face gets more somber. "I don't want you to be alone when I leave." The backs of my eyes instantly start to burn.

"I could be surrounded by millions of people for the rest of my life, and I'll still feel so alone without you." She gives me a sad smile. "Please don't. Please promise me you'll be happy. Please tell me you'll find love again. I really need to hear you say it." Tears wet her cheeks and I wipe one away. I can't promise her something I don't think will come true. "I can't." She gets off my lap and storms up the stairs. I follow instantly. She is pulling of a pair of jeans and unplugging her phone off the charger. "January?"She is angry. She starts throwing a couple of her things into a bag. "I knew this was a mistake." She says as she picks up various clothing items that scatter my floor. I walk over to her and reach for her arm but she pulls away and stands straight. She is just out of reach, but she feels miles away.

"I ruined your life." She cries, hugging her half packed bag to her chest. She looks so broken. How could she think she ruined my life. I was a weak man who say around getting bullied by his father. A man who wished to be loved unconditionally, who was worthy of love without cause. She came into my life and flipped it upside down and I wouldn't change it for the life of me. I take a step to her and she backs up. "How could you even think that for a second." She wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand. "Because I did. If I didn't come back to the bar that night, you wouldn't have thought twice about me. You wouldn't have fell in love with a dying girl." Her sob tears through my core. "Baby, if I regret anything in life it is most certainly not you. I would fall in love with you over and over, even knowing our outcome." She shakes with a silent cry.

"You are my everything. You will be in my life for a short amount of time, but you have made me the happiest I've ever been. I will be heartbroken without you, I will be lost without you. But I do not regret a second." My own tears fall. "I love you January Rainn, and I will love you for the rest of my life." She falls collapses into herself,but before her knees hit the ground I'm catching her and taking us down together. "I love you." Her heartbroken voice makes me squeeze her tighter. "So much."