January

Epilogue

Sawyer

  Seven years after her.

  The smell of turkey dinner makes my stomach happy. It's my turn to host it this year so I got to wake up to the delicious smell of my second favourite holiday. I place the last plate on the table before I grab my beer and head outside. When I slide the door open laughter fills my ears. Nothing is better than hearing the small giggles of your child. "I gotca." My wife grabs my son by the waist and tosses him in the air. "Mama!" He shouts as she showers him with kisses and my smile widens. I love watching them. They fall to the ground in a fit of laughter. The November air is crisp but it's not too cold where you can't leave the house without bundling up. They are in thick sweaters. I lean against the post enjoying the small moments that make my life happy again.

  I met Maggie four years ago. She is Elains sister and when we both showed up at Bryan and Elains house to visit our niece, we just clicked. Bryan and I got closer because of it and I left feeling  lighter. I went through a dark time and she pulled me out of it. She actually started working for me before we were official. A warm hand runs up my back and I turn to see my mother. She lives next door to us after finally leaving my father. It was the best thing she has done for herself. She is happier and I'm pretty sure she is seeing cinnamon guy, but I can't be sure. If she starts smelling like it though we're going to have a problem. "Hey." She looks out to Maggie and Winter. "Hi baby. Can we talk?" I nod and we walk further down the porch. She takes a seat on the porch swing. I swear if she is telling me today that they are together I'll throw up.

  Her face turns serious. "I've been holding onto something for a while now," she starts. Rubbing her hands over he pants seeming nervous. "I didn't want to give it to you because you were doing better, you are so happy. Then Winter came, it was never the right time. But I promised her I would give it to you." Her? Her. She pulls a small envelope from her jacket and places it in her lap. I look back at her pinching my eyebrows together. "Mom?" She holds up a hand. "I don't want to ruin thanksgiving, but I feel like you are ready for this. She came to me a week before she died." My heart sinks. That's from January. "She told me everything and to make sure you received it when you found love again. So here son." My mom places it in my palm. "Daddy." I look up and lock eyes with Maggie. She looks at my mom.

  Her eyes look pained but she nods. I love my wife, but she knows that we wouldn't be together if she hadn't died. "Let's go make some cookies." My mom stands up and grabs my son before he can get to me. "Cookies!" He perks up. My family disappears inside. I stand  up, placing my beer on the table to take  a walk down by the lake. My restaurant did really well, and I ended up opening more in various states. I'm doing well for myself and when I proposed to Maggie and she told me she was pregnant I bought this land to build our future on. I take a seat in my Adirondack chair and look out over the water before I have the courage to look down at the paper that's burning a hole in my hand.

  When I finally look down my eyes lock on a small pinkish stain. I smile knowing it's probably from a Shirley temple, or a January Rainn. That's what I changed it to at the Fox trot. I open it and pull out the folded piece of paper. I unfold it and my breath catches on the first line.

  Hey foxy,

      When you read this I will be long gone. Well hopefully not too long because that means you didn't find happiness for awhile and I don't want that for you. You deserve to be happy. I picture that you live in a huge house, with a loving wife and a kid. I'm thinking a son. I wish I could've had your kids, I'd name them Snowball or Winter. Something that matches my own name and that you would say is to ridiculous, but you'd let me get my way. I'm also watching you make my third Shirley temple of the night and you were just telling me you were going to take it off the menu but please don't. Or if you did put it back! I demand it. Anyways this is so not why I wrote you this, you know I get side tracked. Anyways I just wanted you to know a few things. I can feel myself getting sicker and I know our time is running out, but you Sawyer Micheal Bradshaw have been the highlight of all my twenty six years on this earth. You have made me feel loved, wanted, sexy, inspired, and cherished more then anyone ever has. You have made my last few months worth the pain and anguish. So please baby don't hurt for me any longer, I'm sure somewhere deep down inside you, you still hurt and I want that pain to go away. The family I'm envisioning for you deserve to feel the way you made me feel. I love you with my entire heart. Bumping into your forehead changed my life and I can't thank you enough. Enjoy the rest of your long and happy life foxy.

           Love, January

  Ps: could you do one last thing for me? Could you say "Goodbye Snow White." One last time. I promise you I'll hear it.

  My tears fall onto the piece of paper and I move it aside. She was right I have been holding her locked in my heart and not giving my family my full heart. I read over her last line but my hand gets nudge. I look down to see Linda place her head on my thigh and whine. "I miss her too." I pat her head and stand. I walk to the edge of the lake, just before my boots hit the water. I take a large breath before I say. "Goodbye Snow White." I stay waiting for something, but nothing comes. "Dinners ready." I turn to see Bryan standing by my chair. I go to stand next to him. He looks at the piece of paper but doesn't say a word. My heart stops when we reach the deck and a snow flake lands on my eyelash. My brother turns around and smiles.

  He doesn't say anything as he takes me into his arms and holds me while I cry for her one last time. My January.