January

Seveteen

Sawyer

In the middle of the rush I spot my brother talking to Alice by the pos. I haven't been able to focus tonight. I thought everything was good with me and January, but she stopped answering my texts and when I went to her house she didn't answer the door. I was about to get worried, but then she texted me saying she was taking sometime to herself. Whatever that means. I walk over to him. "Hey man, I was just about to ask for you." I honestly look over my shoulder to make sure Bryans talking to me. "Hi." Did we bond after our parents fight or something, he's being nice. Alice excuses herself, and I kind of want to go with her. I don't know how to talk to my brother. "What did you want?" He pulls a small bag towards him. "Elain wanted cheesecake, specifically from here." He laughs. I narrow my eyes trying to read him. Im not very good at it, considering I wouldn't know what his expressions mean. We aren't that close. We aren't close at all. I nod not really sure how to respond. "Did you want it for free?" He jerks his head back look slightly offended. "No, I already paid." He bends down and picks something off the floor. He then places a bag of dog food in my bar.

Since when does he have a dog. "I told January I'd get her this, but I don't have time to head back to her place. Do you mind going?" I answer my brothers question with my fist. It connects with his jaw and his head whips to the side and he stumbles. I didn't even really register I did it. I guess it's been building up and I've met my breaking point. He catches himself on a bar stool, causing a guest to move. "You can never let me having anything can you?!" I scream as I take him to the ground. I hear shouting in the background but it all blurs. I see red right now. Bryan knocks his punch right into my jaw and I fall off of him. "You have no idea what you're talking about." He pins me to the ground and holds me there. I thrash and swing, but he keeps me planted. "I have been second to you my whole life." My voice breaks. My built up emotions getting the better of me.

"My whole life I had to live in your shadow. I was so fucking proud of my bar and no one fucking cared, because you're a doctor." His face softens but his hold is still firm. "It's not my fault dad likes me more." I thrash again. Pissed he isn't fucking listening to me. He lets go of me and I stand. "I liked Elain, and you proposed to her." He stands up too. "You didn't even really like her, you liked the idea of her." He's right I never wanted Elain, but he has her. I want January and he somehow has her too. "But I love her." I don't have to elaborate he knows who I'm talking about. "Yeah, I know you do. But you need to go talk to her, not me. This is not my story to tell."

He glanced around the room suddenly aware of the crowd we have. "You can never let me win." He picks up his cheesecake and goes to the door. "You never tried to." He stares at me for a second before he leaves. I wipe the blood off of my lip and grab the dog food. I look at Alice. "Just lock up now, I need to go." She doesn't say anything as I walk through the crowd of people and head to my truck. I need to know if she's fucking my brother. I don't even remember getting to her house, but here and I'm standing on her front step. My fist are clenched and I'm trying to calm my breathing, I don't want to scare her. But I need to know what is up with her and my brother. So I can walk away from this. I lift my hand and knock. Linda barks of the other side of the door and I hear some words exchanged to the door. The door opens and she's trying to keep Linda inside. "Thank God your back, she's starving and driving me crazy."

She looks up and realizes it isn't Bryan. Her eyes widen slightly and she falters on what her next words should be. She looks different. Her eyes are sunken in and she looks like she hasn't slept in awhile, and her hair is a mess pulled to the top of her head. "Sawyer." Her voice is a plea. I hold the dog food up and strut inside. I head straight for the kitchen and fill up Linda's bowl. I don't know how to go about this conversation. Im angry, but I have no right to lash out on her she isn't my girlfriend after all, she's made that very clear. "Why was he here?" My voice is calm and level. Definitely not how I'm feeling right now. She doesn't look confused, she looks scared. She knows who I'm talking about. Of course she does, I brought the dog food not him.

She stays by the entry of the kitchen. "I asked him to get me some food for Linda. I ran out." The lie does not come out of her easily. She stutters and looks away from me. "You asked my brother, who you hardly know to get you food?" She nods, still not meeting my eyes. "January, please.Why are you pushing me away? I will stay your friend, even without benefits, I just need you to be in my life." She closes her eyes and tilts her head up. "I can't." She is closing herself off from me and I hate it. Why does no one talk to me. Why did she have to go to my brother, she could've asked my mom, an ex boyfriend even. I would've been more okay with it. But Bryan.

"January." I take a step closer to her and she backs up. Water pools in her baby blues. "Sawyer, you don't understand. I can't. You won't look at me the same." She hugs herself. The pain on her face is killing me. It looks like she has been keeping something from me for a long time, and she doesn't want me to see her differently because of it. Little does she know, she could cut my heart out right now and I'd be happy her face was the last time I got to see. I try to reach for her again but she doesn't let me. I want to show her that I'm here and I won't leave. "There is nothing you can say that will scare me away from you." She looks me in the eyes and shakes her head. We're playing a game of back and forth, I can feel her pulling away, and if I don't reach her now, I never will. Her lip trembles and her eyes bore into my heart. She opens her mouth and my whole world crumbles.

"I'm dying."