January

Nineteen

Sawyer

The last few days I've been a shell of a man. I don't think my mind has wrapped around the thought of her leaving me so soon. She became my everything in a short amount of time, and I don't get to keep her like I planned too. She is so young and so amazing, this isn't fair. I can't imagine how she dealt with this for so long, and alone. Today I decided to come into work. Well don't really January begged me to go into work and not treat her differently, but it's hard. How can I work knowing I'm wasting precious time with her, to sit in an office, or make some drinks. The only reason Im here is because she said she would stop by, as long as I had a ton of cherries waiting for her with a side of Shirley temple. I don't think I'm going to have the drink on the menu after she's gone. My eyes start to water again, I blink them away and try to focus on my emails, and social media pages.

It doesn't help, because the first picture on Instagram is a picture of me and Linda snuggling, with the caption. "My yellow." She tagged Coldplay as well. I quickly close off my computer and stand. I leave the office and storm into the bar. Maybe doing some hands on work will help. It does for awhile. Alice and I work side by side, not a word shared between us that isn't work related. I told her about January, she told me she would close every night for me. I couldn't let her do it, so I hired an extra body. So between her Ryker and my new hire Eden I should have enough time with January. I shoot a text to her letting her know nows a good time to stop in. She sends me a voice memo back. "Hey foxy, I'll be there in an hour. I'm in the middle of an important part of my show." I'm going to save everyone of these she sends, or has ever sent.

I look up from my phone to see my mom coming in. We haven't spoken since she didn't end up coming to my house after the fight with dad, and she isn't filing for divorce. I had a feeling she wouldn't, but some small part of me had hope she might. I think she and I would be happier. It hurts loving someone who doesn't love you back. I don't think my father doesn't love my mom, I just know he doesn't care for me. She keeps her eyes down and she pulls out a stool and takes a seat. I tend to a few guests before going to talk to her. She's going to want my undivided attention. "Mama." I greet. She fiddles with her fingers, still not looking at me. She feels guilty. I knew she would. She has too big of a heart.

"Hi baby." My heart aches at the sound of her voice. My heart honestly just might permanently ache for now on. For more reasons then one. "Can I get you something?" I don't really know how to approach this situation, and I honestly don't have the energy too. "No, I'm not staying long," she finally meets my eyes. She looks tired. Like she's been sitting on what to say for awhile. "Your father would like to apologize." I almost laugh. He sends her to come tell me, he'd like to say sorry after all these years. "He was too busy to come by and tell me himself." She looks down again. "He wants to do it over dinner, next Thursday." I don't want to waste Januarys time on my father. "I'm busy." I turn to walk away but she follows from the opposite side of the bar.

"Please. Please Sawyer, just hear him out. And if he isn't being sincere, or the apology isn't what you hoped for. I won't ask you to try with him again. I'll understand." I stop right outside of the kitchen. I don't say a word I want to make sure she's done. "Then you and January can go live your lives without us and be happy." My heart is in my throat. She doesn't know about her. I thought Bryan wouldn't told her, and how could she think I could go without them in my life. They're my family. I love them, even when it hurts. Just like how I love January, and how I'd give up the world to have my entire life with her. "I'll have dinner Sunday. If he can't make that work, I'll know he isn't serious." I walk through the kitchen and straight into my office.

I need to calm down and think before Snow White gets here and demands her drink and cherries. The thought of her has my heart already slowing, and a sense of warmth and comfort crawl up my chest.