Author's POV:
Noor was on the terrace right now and was doing her favorite job, gazing at the stars. She was overwhelmed with all the happenings right now. She didn't know what to feel right now. Being clueless like she always used to be was the best thing. Having the family around did nothing but made things harder.
She wanted to go and hug her sister tight who was going to be married off soon. Nikhat and Noor were not the ideal sisters of course. They used to fight, they used to play together. They wouldn't say a sorry vocally, but a mutual sorry was heard in their hearts. They would fight, over foods, over toys, over dresses, over books, over everything and anything. But the more they used to fight they knew about each other. Sisters are not alike, yes they do have some same qualities but they are different. They too need to know about each other. They were not the ones to die for each other but kill for one another.
Noor was the smaller one of course. And so she loved some more attention from her sister. And that was only what she wanted after their father's demise. She wanted her sister, to be with her, to love her, to hug her. But she couldn't find. She understood, her sister was also facing the same. So she herself went up and hugged her, consoled her. After time, her sister got busy in her new work.
Mujhe yunhi karke
Khwaabon se judaa
Jaane kahan chup ke
Baitha hain khuda
Jaanu na main kab
Hua khud se gumshuda
Kaise jiyun rooh bhi
Mujhse hai judaa
Noor did not do well in her first mbbs entrance exam. But she wasn't disheartened. She made up a mind to do more better the next time. She consoled herself. But still she wanted her sister to come to her and say that 'it's okay. You will get it the next time and I know that'. But she couldn't find her. She understood, that she is busy. She went to her sister to talk but she was in a meeting, she told her that she will come to her after it finishes. And Noor waited, patiently. But the wait never ended. Her sister never came to her and asked 'is everything okay? What did you wanted to talk about?'. It's not like they never talked after that, of course they did. But Nikhat forgot about that and Noor also never mentioned again.
Kyun meri raahein
Mujhse pooche
Ghar kahan hain
Kyun mujhse aake
Dastak pooche
Dar kahan hain
She missed her sister, wanted to talk to her and hug her, cry with her. But now she doesn't know where to start from. There were so many things to be talked about but still no words came out. She has to think what she has to talk to her own sister.
Noor knew that her mother loved her. Of course she did. But her mother got so busy in juggling between the house hold responsibilities and her duty that she got no time for family. But Noor understood her too. She has a lot of responsibilities, they can't react like small babies. Neither she wanted her mother to be after her all the time. She just wanted her to ask a 'how was your day?' with a soft smile on her face when she reached her home tired. She wanted her to ruffle her hairs and talk about anything with her like they used to do in the past. She craved for her mother's time and attention. But neither she herself openly asked for it nor her mother understood.
Raahein asi jinki
Manzil hi nahin
Dhoondho mujhe ab
Main rehta hu wahin
Dil hain kahin aur
Dhadkan hain kahin
Saansein hain magar
Kyun zinda main nahin
Noor wanted to go to her mother, lay her head on her lap and ask her to ruffle her hair and whisper sweet nothings to her; give her a warm tight hug and ask her 'how have you been?' Is this too much to ask? She wondered. But she couldn't say that to her mother now.
All the memories that she had tried to hold back came with a rush looking at Shaharyar. She had loved him from the time she didn't even know what was love. She used to feel happy and giddy around him. She fell in love with those deep dark black orbs which had naughtiness in them. She fell in love with his voice which was too sweet. She fell in love with the cute irritated face which he made when he's hungry. She fell in love with chef Shaharyar Khan. She fell in love with the guy who was her dad's baby. She fell in love with the whole of him.
Rait bani haathon
Se yun beh gayi
Takdeer meri
Bikhri har jagah
Kaise likhun phir
Se nai daastan
Gham ki siyahi
Dikhti hain kahan
Aahein jo chuni
Hain meri thi raza
Rehta hoon kyun phir
Khud se hi khafa
Shaharyar and Noor never used to talk much. Because for Shaharyar, Noor was silent-shy girl who didn't like to talk much. They used to talk sometimes which turned into banters real soon. But he had known the real her when she had helped in studies for an entrance exam. Nikhat asked her to help him as Noor was just four years younger to him and the course was in her hand. That was the time when Shaharyar got to know the actual Noor Khan Siddiqui. And they became friends.
Noor never thought of confessing her feelings to him. Because she knew he didn't feel any such thing for her. It was her matter to deal with. He went to his village one day and then when he returned a news came with him. He was getting married. He was getting engaged in the next week and after two months the marriage will happen. His parents has chosen a girl for him. They did that many times before but he refused to get married. But this time he too accepted. Noor was heartbroken. She felt like she was loosing every thing at the same time. She felt suffocated inside the four walls, listening to the discussions of wedding and engagement.
Aisi bhi hui thi
Mujhse kya khata
Tune jo mujhe di
Jeene ki saza
After a week the engagement took place. He looked happy, she noticed. That was all she needed, she thought. He too had faced many problems in life. He too deserves happiness. And finally he is happy. Her feelings were her problem to deal with. She never blamed him for anything, neither she could nor she did. She was happy that he is happy. She danced in his happiness. Enjoyed the engagement. And that was the time when every thing broke. Noor applied for colleges abroad. She wanted to go far away from all the things. Everything was getting too much for her. She couldn't handle. She got selected in one of them and that was the goodbye.
Now, according to Noor, Shaharyar is happily married and loves his wife. She still loved him, of course she did. In fact, in course of time, she fell for him more and more. Those memories were enough for her. But the thing she never expected was to see him so soon. Meeting him after so many years that day at the porch made her eyes numb. She tried to maintain a distance from him for her own sanity.
Banday tere maathe
Pe hain jo kheenchay
Bas chand lakeeron
Jitna hain jahaan
Aansun mere mujhko
Mita te hain rahe
Noor knew her family loved her. But sometimes, it's necessary to express. Just tell the people, what they mean to you, how much you love them, make them feel loved and special, show them their importance in your life. And that was what she asked for. She knew they loved her. But she wanted to be told, for once. To be given the assurance, that they are there for her and will always be. And now when she was accustomed to live alone, she was again surrounded by people. She spent years making herself emotionally strong and now she felt weak. She felt like she was back to square one, being the vulnerable her, all the efforts gone to waste.
Rab ko hukm na
Mit ta hain yahan
Raahein aisi jinki
Manzil hi nahin
Dhoondho mujhe ab
Main rehta hu wahin
Dil hain kahin aur
Dhadkan hain kahin
Saansein hain magar
Kyun zinda main nahin
Noor felt something trickle down her cheeks. She touched to find a water droplet. She looked above but it was not raining. She touched her eyes and felt it wet. She was crying? She couldn't believe. It had been years that she had cried. The last time she cried was five years ago. Now she forgot what crying looked like. She hugged the photo frame of her father more tight which has been holding close to her heart from the first. The tears continued to drop and she couldn't hold them back anymore. She cried harder each passing time. The tears that she has been holding for the past five years came out together. She felt out of breathe. Soon it started raining. Maybe the rains loved her too as she loved them and they wanted to be a part of her misery. She looked at the frame and whispered, "I miss you."
Kyun main jaagoon
Aur woh sapne bo raha hain
Kyun mera rab yun
Aankhein khole so raha hain
Kyun mein jaagoon
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Here's the next chapter.
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