NOOR

Chapter 15

♡ Noor ♡

I woke up to the sounds of shouting coming from living room. After rubbing the sleep away from my eyes I stepped out of my room. And then I heard Phupho.

"I am not asking you to leave Noor. Just marry someone else who can conceive your child." I felt like someone twisting my heart out. I didn't knew that Phupho could think something like this.

"Ammi-" Before Hadi could say any further, I stepped into the room with a determined mind.

"Noor, aap thik toh hai na?" Hadi came near me, holding me by my arms. His gaze met mine and for a moment I felt like melting in its warmth.

But then those painful moments of abuse made its way in my thoughts. Tears brimmed my eyes and the words of Phupho rang in my ears.

I need to stop this.

Only I can pull myself out of these miseries.

It's time we END this.

"Hamein Khul'a chahiye." And here, I said it.

It felt like lifting a heavy weight off my chest but the storm brewing in Hadi's eyes was quick to grasp my heart with fear.

"What did you say? You want a What?" He was giving me a chance to rethink my idea. But I rushed it out of my mind. I have thought enough.

While taking the decision of this Nikkah I was thinking about Abbu and Taya Abbu's promise. While keeping my mouth shut I was thinking about the reputation of my shohar.

But now it's time to think about my own self. Yes.

"I want Khul'a." And with that I felt my left cheek stinging. My head tilted to sideways. The effect of Hadi's slap.

Before my brain could register anything or before my eyes could even brim with tears, Hadi had his hands around my neck.

"You want to get away from me? For whom?" He asked cutting me off of my respiration. His expressions screamed in rage.

"F-For my-self." I let out those broken words with a shaky breath. I can see a few gears turning in his mind and then he dragged me into the bedroom. I can see Phupho and Phupha coming behind us with eyes wide in bewilderment.

Hadi pushed me on the bed and bolted the door. His gaze met mine and I was scared. His predatory steps came forward.

"I'll fuck you till the word Khul'a leaves your mind. I'll make you scream with every orgasm that you are mine. With every mark on your body I'll fucking claim you. And not just today but every single day. So that you know your fucking self."

His words made me feel disgusted. I wonder why his personality changes so much. Just yesterday he was the most supportive husband giving me his shoulder to lean on. But the in front of me is a monster full of lust.

I stand up from the bed and before he can even brush a single strand of my hair, I slap him. Hard.

"I have had enough of marital rape. Not anymore." I said and suddenly his face flashed immense sadness.

"Rape?" He asked looking at me totally clueless. And this caused my anger to rise up.

"Yes, rape. Marital rape. You never asked for my consent before touching me. You never asked me if I liked those dirty words or not. You never tried to know about my desires. You never thought that I may need a few minutes of soft caresses after you ravage me. Because you never made love to me. You always just fucked me. Senseless and without any mercy. You made me feel disgusted of my own self after those dark nights. You made me hate myself because I can not even take a stand for my own self. The body of a woman needs sexual pleasure but she also craves the intimacy of just sitting with her husband and talking about their day. Many women may like those dirty words but not all are same. A woman can have her own desires in bed. We wish to be captured in your heart and not in these spacious houses. We want to be loved not just used. You were supposed to be my  Majazi Khuda but you failed."

By now I had a small pool of my tears by my feet. I was short of breath. I saw Hadi looking down at the floor with a expression not deciphered. He stood like a statue and after shoving him aside I took the keys of car from bedside table and rushed out of the house.

I can hear Phupho and Phupha asking me questions but I ignored it all. Starting the ignition I bolted off and on the road. It was raining heavily and it felt like even the nature was weeping with me.

My mind was in a haze. A lot of words were ringing in my ears. I tried to shut them off and closed my eyes for a second. Opening my eyes I was blinded by the headlight of a car coming in my direction from the front.

I turned the steering wheel trying to dodge off the upcoming accident but then it crashed. My head banged on the steering wheel and then it was all black.

Maybe Allah wants to end my miseries.

~ ~ • ~ ~

Har kisi ko nahin milta
yahan pyar zindagi mein
khushnaseeb hai wo jinko hai mili
yeh bahaar zindagi mein

Hothon se honthh mile na bhale
chaahe mile na baahen baahon se
do dil zinda reh sakte hai
chaahat ki bhari nigaahon se

~ ~ • ~ ~