try-hard •sunki au•

thirty-three

Riki wokes up when he felt the space beside him empty. He slept beside Heeseung, the only person who can give him comfort.

He stared at his reflection on the mirror, finding his swollen eyes ugly. Did he cry last night?

No. Why would he? There's no reason...

“Stay away from me.”
“I don't want to see you ever again.”

Was it only a dream?

Riki sighed as he continued washing his face with ice cold water. His head feels heavy but his thoughts were blank. He didn't know what happened, what's happening, and what is yet to happen.

He was clueless and his mind refuse to over-think.

“Oh, I'm alone?” He wonders when he found no one inside the apartment after he walked out of his room.

He goes straight to the kitchen, looking for a food that he knew Jay might have prepared for the breakfast.

“I have a class at eight but it's now nine,” Riki whispers as he continued heating up the rice on the microwave. “Why didn't they wake me up?”

He proceeded to eat and didn't bother to take a shower. He only changed his clothes and bathed himself with Jake's cologne. And to complete his look, he took one of Jay's sunglasses to cover his eyes.

Riki then ran off to his second class.

+++

Everyone seems avoiding him, but he didn't care. It was actually a relief that no one asked him about his covered eyes, or say weird things again.

Riki was having his time entering the cafeteria looking like an expensive model with Jay's sunglasses on him. But his enjoyment ended as soon as he landed his eyes on the sophomore sitting beside Jay on their lunch table—Jungwon.

He was not with Sunoo, though.

“Is that my glasses you're wearing?” Jay asked as soon as he sat beside Jake.

“You smell like me,” Jake then added.

“Next time lock your rooms,” Riki said before averting his gaze to the sophomore. “Where's Sunoo?”

Riki have noticed how the three of them shared a look.

“He asked for online classes again,” Jungwon said.

“I'm not informed that the university offers online classes for students living in dorms,” Riki said.

“It's only given to students with special cases, Riki,” Jake said.

“Why are you acting weird,” Jay wonders, “Can you please remove the sunglass?”

Riki shook his head. He checked his face on the bathroom mirror before he came here. His eyes are still swollen. Removing the sunglass is basically telling everyone he cried.

And no, he didn't cry. There's no reason to.

“Why is he allowed to take online classes then? What's his case?”

+++

The sudden silence in the table made Jungwon realize it is his cue to explain to Riki what happened. In the past and yesterday. Sunoo's trauma that started all because of him. The reason of his actions yesterday.

“The rumor—”

“Rumor?” Riki asked, the sunglasses covering his eyes makes it harder for them to read what's running on his mind.

“Of you and Sunoo dating,” Jay answered for him.

“There's a rumor like that?” Riki asked, sounding really surprised.

“Yeah, it was the reason why the counselor is calling you,” Jake said. “But the point here is not about her.”

“Sunoo was a victim of bullying in our middle school,” Jungwon speaks, cutting off the unnecessary topics that are being opened.

+++

“Everything started with a dating rumor that...that I created,” Jungwon said.

Riki closed his fist under the table.

“He was bullied, got called with different names and was out-casted. He left the dance group because of that, and he stopped coming to school as well. He started hating the things he used to love, like bright-colored shirts. They made him think those are only for females and that males should only wear black—which explains the usual color of his clothes...” Jungwon narrates.

As Jungwon continue speaking, Riki was having flashbacks of his past conversations with Sunoo.

The bright and bubbly image of a younger Sunoo dancing on the street keeps appearing on his thoughts as well.

“He underwent secret consultations to cure his anxiety and he used the medical papers so the university will allow him take online classes whenever he's having panic attacks. It also gave him a permission to stay inside the dorms whenever and has the freedom of choosing his roommate,” Jungwon continues.

Every questions in Riki's head are slowly getting answered.

Sunoo's love for black clothes, but hates receiving it. Liking bright-colored clothes as a gift but never wearing it. Him being conscious of people around. Him getting worried of Jungwon seeing them together. His hate of attention and any form of skinship. Sunoo staying inside the university on winter holiday and refusing to meet his family.

Him loosing his bright personality. Him distancing himself with other people and only hangs out with Jungwon.

“That was why he was so affected of the sudden rumor about him and you dating,” Jungwon continued. “I'm sorry—”

“Stay away from me!”

Riki looks down as the memory of yesterday flashes back on his eyes.

“W-why are we still talking? Time is running, we only have fifteen minutes to eat our lunch,” Riki suddenly speaks, faking a smile as he stood up to get his lunch on the counter.

Sunoo...

He wanted Riki to stay away. They were almost there...getting close enough to call each other a friend. Now, Sunoo wanted him to stay away.

If he only knew earlier that Sunoo has this case, he might not have pushed himself towards him. He might not have tried hard to get close, and perhaps he might not got this attachment with the sophomore.

How is he able to stay away from him, now? It sounded very simple yet Riki find it hard to obey.

He wants to stay, but if Sunoo wants it...

Riki mentally laughed sarcastically at himself. Another person had just showed him how unworthy he was of being “someone”, yet again.

Isn't it enough that his own parents didn't care enough for him? Is becoming alone the curse of being the fruit of a one-night mistake?

The freshman blinked the tears away, refusing the thought of crying because of the people who rejected his existence.

Staying away...if that's what Sunoo wants.

tengyu_