𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐒 || JINKOOK FF

[41]

“I don’t .....I don’t think that you’d do anything on purpose.... ” Jungkook starts.

“But my crazy obsession might be clouding my judgement, is that it?” If you’d only told him at the start, this all could have been avoided, his mind singsong’s at him.

“Maybe! How would I know, since you never gave me the chance to figure it out for myself?”

And there it is. Seokjin clenches his eyes closed, fists at his sides. “Okay. That’s fair”. Seokjin can see right through the living room to the dinning room and the small black velvet box mocking him from the corner of the table. The tears finally well up and spill over his cheeks.

Jungkook just stares, chest heaving like he’s trying not to completely break down, face flushed. He swipes at his eyes again, and Seokjin does the same.

“I don’t know what else to say”. Seokjin says slowly, because this feels like the smoldering end of a flash fire and it would only take a wrong breath to send it back into a conflagration. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish I’d told you right away, like Taehyung told me to do. I wish I’d never skated in the first place to make this a problem, but everything I’ve ever done has led me to you, and I wouldn’t ever change that. But can I please have another chance? Please my beauty”. Seokjin tries  once more to reach out, to take Jungkook into his arms and soothe away the hurt he’s caused.

To drown himself in Jungkook’s flowery and soft baby powder embrace and a way to make amends for ever hurting someone he........ he loves so very much.

He’ll let go of everything Jungkook has said to him if he gets that chance, will talk through it and figure out what he truly wants, but he can’t do that if Jungkook gives up on this, on them. If he vanishes back into the life he had before, where Seokjin knew nothing whatsoever about him but his name. Because now he does, Now he knows and it will haunt him, walking and sleeping.

Jungkook shakes his head, jaw set, tracks of tears sparkling again on his cheeks. “No”, he says. “You don’t get to call me that. I need some time. Goodbye, Seokjin”, he says and steps past Seokjin to pull the door open and walk through, closing it carefully behind him.

Kim Seokjin stands there, stunned, then abruptly strides to the playroom door and makes his way down stairs on shaky legs.

He sinks onto the lounge and covers his face with his hands.

His heart is cracking apart, love and loss pouring out in a torrent of tears. “I love you, Jungkook”, he says, and the first time he’s given voice to the words they echo in the dark, silent playroom. “I love you”, he sobs, and curls onto his side on the lounge and let's the pain take him.

┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉┉

He’s not sure how long he’s there, but he’s stiff and cold when he feels another body sit down next to him on the lounge.

It’s Taehyung.

Seokjin turns over and buries his face against his friend’s lean leg, “Oh, honey”, Taehyung says and gathers him into his arms which is small for his shoulders. He rocks him gently and presses his cheek to the top of Seokjin’s head. “Ji-min texted. God, I’m so fucking sorry”.

“I’m so stupid”, Seokjin says. “I can’t believe how fucking stupid I am”.

“You’re not stupid. You worry. You were afraid. Sometimes we’re all afraid. It’s okay. It will be okay. Just give him some time to process and you can try again. He loves you, Seokjin. I know he does”.