Darkness

2.4

The warmth was creeping in, as the sun rose from its slumber. Isaac left me in the strange living room, not knowing if I could sit down. My shivering body was gaining composure, so was my mind. I hoped he would come back and convey what I should do. I stood there for a while, waiting. I could hear my mum and the old lady; I didn't know if I should go help. I fooled myself thinking he was stuck with me, while he shook me off with ease.

My brain was pestering me with question I wanted answers. Anxiety rose to my chest, making my breathing husky. I couldn't stand still no more, so I found my way out of the old house.

He was sitting on the porch wooden stairs, counting his fingers. I had enough of his evasion. I wanted the answers I was looking for.

The cold air awakened my rosy cheeks, and the sun made my body pop like popcorn. You remember me. I stated confidently. He quickly stood up, almost frightened someone could hear. There was no one else. He grabbed me by my arm – which made me wince – already stained with bruises. He took me a long way away from his house. My arm felt numb by the time we stopped.

He spat at me to stop, between his teeth. I tried to get my arms free from his grip, only for him to pull me closer to him.

You understand? His face came close to mine again, trying to frighten me. I stupidly said no, and his face contorted as he got angrier. I wrapped my hand around his wrist – now white, as he deprived it of blood –, with force, trying to pull it away and hurt him too. My fingernails dug into his flesh, trying to rip his skin. I wasn't fragile, or weak, however his strength was strange. I looked at him and frowned with curiosity. He let go of me the second he understood I was studying him. He twirled around with his hands on his face in disbelief. I looked down at my hands, which were becoming red again and examined my fingernail, looking for skin.

His voice became weak with anxiety and cracked as he asked me why I was there, slapping my hands way from my studying.

I didn't really know why I was there, my parents made me. I figured that he probably wouldn't be pleased with that answer, so I lied. I want to know. Was what I said. I enquire again if he remembered me. His eyes closed, like that was the stupidest question he ever heard.

Yes, I do. I remember you. It made me smile. He remembered me. I dreamt of him for so long... he remembered. However, the whisper of the words – I wish I didn't. – shattered my delight and reality ripped me back from my fairy-tale.

While in my oblivion, my darkness, I believed he would understand me. That he was like me. That he would bring me meaning. But I was the one dreaming, while I was his nightmare.

He wasn't hurting, he didn't want me to search for him.

I didn't want to ask anything else; I didn't want to force him to hear my putrid voice, I didn't want to make him see my stupid face or feel my hopelessness.

I was hurting. I was the monster. I am an abomination. I was my darkness. I hurt my parents, I made them worry, I pushed people away, I was crazy... I made her leave. She never wanted me because I was me.

My fingers shook with understanding, my eyes redden with truth, my lips pursed with lies.

I knew this. I knew it since I was born. That's why I wanted Isaac to take it away – when I first saw him – my pain, my life.

I didn't cry. There was nothing to cry for, only misery. The cold air concentrated in my belly as my madness was made aware.

Why couldn't you just kill me? I remember whispering to my destiny, and he heard, Isaac heard.

I was a few steps away from him. That was when I realized he could probably hear anything I would say. Even if it was just a whisper. I wondered if he could hear my craziness too.

He looked at me like the other ordinary humans. Like I didn't belong, like I was a colossal tragedy. Of all the things I wanted him to see, I wanted this one to be blind to him.

I didn't know how to be normal. To fit in. I realized that my childness wasn't at fault. It will always follow me, everywhere.

I walked away from him without answers, instead ashamed. I walked to my new old house. I met with my new old friend. It was just behind the house. Flowing in its glory, shining to the sun, singing its melody of pain. Its coldness slid throughout my fingers and whispered sweet nothings. I sat beside it, watching its magic flow, listening to its song.

My father found me when the sun shone on top of us. I told him about how I wasn't human. That it wasn't possible that the same species would not find anything in common. That I was an abomination to nature, because its beautifulness wouldn't fit me. He told me I was wrong. That I was the most precious thing he would ever have. I didn't understand it.

After exchanging his warmth with me, he left to tell them I wasn't coming.

As I sat close to my only friend, the mist in the trees piqued my interest. So, I left my friend to its magnificence and involved myself in the nothingness of the air. I walked though it like I did in my slumber. It didn't seem real. Maybe I was still dreaming. But it was too painful to be so. Eventually I found the blood of the poor deer. I touched it, but it didn't touch me, as it was already dry.

I went back as destiny didn't gift me with anything. At this unknown house I found my room – looked out to my friend to see if it didn't leave me. I took off my jacket to meet the tints he left in my body. Besides my memory, that was the only thing I had of him. And it too would disappear.

Author's note: 

It's sad the way Luna thinks about herself... I hope all of you know you're precious!

Please leave a vote. Thank you for reading :)
If you have any questions I would love to hear them.