Darkness

2.15

The following days weren't so bad. Although Isaac remained detached, I now had the boys to keep me company. I hoped Arvin would also join us, but he was kept from me. Nevertheless, I would always see him at dinner.

Within my darkness, happiness was growing. I'd made friends and everyday this ball of happiness grew inside me, in the pit of my stomach. I wanted it to grow fully, for it to spread throughout my body, but one thought stopped me from letting it burst... Home. My time was running out. At the end of summer, my joy would be stolen. I would be alone. What hurt me most was the idea that they would rather be without me. Isaac, certainly. His life would go back to normal. No more ordering him around to be responsible for me. Did the rest of them wish the same?

Where are you? Homer pulled me back from my well of misery. I was confused by his question, since I was sitting next to him. Sometimes you disappear somewhere. Like your mind is detached from your body. Homer noticed my thoughts. Did you hear anything we said? Conrad caught me also. I felt ashamed. I was mourning their absence, except that I was the one who left them. I was thinking... I started, letting go of my burning cheeks. I'll be leaving by the end of summer. I refrained myself from looking at their expressions, in case it would hurt me. By the end of summer is a long time still, no? Homer took his time to answer. Why, you wanna stay? Conrad mocked. Little did he know... Don't worry, we can't leave you alone now. Homer smiled, easing my anguish. Yup, you're our friend. Conrad finished. Within my bliss and fear, I let a thought escape. You're my first friends. They didn't seem surprised, maybe because of what I've told them before, about my life. They most likely figured it out. It'll be fine. We'll visit you. Homer shrugged. Conrad nodded. Now... Let's get you in the water. Homer stood. We were back at our lake, which had been one of our favourite places to spend time at. Although I desired to swim – so did my body – Isaac's now yellow marks restrained me. Conrad pulled down Isaac's jacket from the back as I kept pleading with them, trying to push the jacket back on. Their statements made sense; even though I was always wearing a jacket, I was sweating. I needed to cool off. They would teach me how to swim, although I already knew how. I did my best to keep Isaac's secret, but I wasn't strong enough. The boys' laughs soon seized. Homer's face contorted with confusion and anger. Conrad was surprised and hurt. Who...? Conrad finally gasped. My mind was perturbed, grasping for answers. Since I didn't reply, Conrad asked if my parents did it. I quickly shook my head with the preposterous statement. Homer seemed to had made up his mind as he breathed: Arvin. Before he could stomp away, I grabbed him and told him how Arvin didn't hurt me. Both of them didn't seem to believe me through. So I reasoned that it would've been impossible, due to how old the stains were, compared to how long I'd known Arvin. They weren't sure about it, but it seemed to stop them. My brain, finally reached an answer and although it would probably push my new friends away, it would be better than losing Isaac. I did it myself. Was what I told them. I didn't look at them. I couldn't. I held my arms by the bruises, not to show them how, but to sooth myself. I was certain I would lose them, they would leave me like everybody else. Because I was crazy.

They didn't press for an explanation, which I was glad about. I asked them not to tell anyone. They seemed unsure, but after looking at each other they nodded. I hoped that things would go back to normal as we swam together. I wanted them to forget about what they saw. And now I wished for the bruises to heal quickly.

I was a little sad still, that his mark would leave me. They would disappear, like they never existed. I was afraid – like in my dream – I would forget him. That he would deny the truth. My fingers would have nothing to trace at night, assuring me I wasn't alone, I wasn't wrong, I knew the truth, that he was real.

Unfortunately, I would soon find out the boys tricked me. It hurt me, but I should have known it was in their being.

Arvin's face was red with fury as they man accused him. His eyes flooded with sadness from the man's refusal to believe him. Panic settled in my stomach, completely erasing the happiness I had been cultivating. My eyes also watered with my inability to help Arvin. I only wished they hadn't also told my parents.

The man instructed Arvin to apologize to me, and although both of us knew he had nothing to apologize for, none spoke the truth. Arvin gave it up, for my sake. His lips were redder than ever, his eyelids similarly plump with redness. Every hint of sadness contrasted with his pale skin. He stood in front of me – for what felt like eternity – unable to look at my putrid figure. He observed Isaac's sin on my body, now exposed for the world to see. Only then he decided to defy my stare. I'm sorry. His cherry lips parted to lie, but his eyes spoke the truth. He hated me. I shook my head unable to speak. It wasn't you, I wanted to scream.

What's going on? Isaac interrupted. The man explained how he thought Arvin had hurt me. Isaac peeked at my exposed bruises and then stared at my muted pain. I held on for him, but broke Arvin on the way. It wasn't him. He admitted, braking my silence. It was me, I hurt her. The man, baffled, called his name. As if what Isaac said was the most ludicrous thing. I lost control. The man called his name again, in warning now. To keep his secrets...

I couldn't hold back my sobs any longer. My body lost its strength and I collapsed on the dirt. The man took Isaac inside their house and called for Arvin also. I was left with my new friends.

Anything I did, everything I touched was pain. My darkness wanted out. By the way everyone reacted to Isaac's confession, I knew I was the problem. I pressed him. I desired him too much. He only pushed me away. I made him do it, and when he touched me, my darkness possessed him. I ruined him... yet again.

Homer finally gave me Isaac's jacket back. He called for my name, but I was too wounded. No one has the right to hurt you. He explained their actions. It's my fault. I denied him.

I could hear darkness' malicious laugh in my eardrums, denying me everything. I lost trust in my new found friends. I lost Arvin's smile. And I lost my precious desire... Isaac.

Author's note:

Took me a while to write this one. Hope it was worth it! Did you think Isaac was going to lie? <.<

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