Darkness

2.10

I couldn't steal another glimpse of Arvin because Isaac insisted on pushing me up the dirty road.

When we reached the house – that, for now, belonged to my family – Isaac must've known my parents weren't inside, or heard, as he asked me to leave Arvin alone again. Should I cling to you then? Was what I asked him. Although we had one or two moments of enjoyment, it was clear that he didn't like me. I disturbed his peace; in every sense the universe could master. I would ask questions that made him cringe with disgust. I would analyse his movements and it made him paranoid.

I wish Arvin was the one given the job of keeping me at bay. Close, but just out of reach. He was pleasant with me. He smiled at my name. He smiled at the sound of my voice. He was happy to meet me. He was the only one that was. He was everything I wanted Isaac to be. But Isaac didn't understand me, my strangeness. He was repulsed by my voice, by my curiosity, by my madness... by me. All I wanted was meaning. I wanted him to tell me his secrets. I wanted to be special, like him.

Isaac winced at my suggestion. The thought of me touching him probably disgusted him. He was most likely afraid of catching my disease. Arvin, however, was already affected by it.

He's unstable. It's best for you to stay away. I denied his wishes with a simple shake of my head. It's not best to stay away! Don't you see? Loneliness is what boke us. Loneliness is our biggest fear.

He started to list reasons for me to keep away. My eyes wanted to water while I heard him describe me. I pushed the idea of tears to the back of my mind. I recognized that he didn't see me after all, as he continued to ramble on about Arvin. Are you listening?

I asked for him to answer my questions and his lips pursed in irritation. He will hurt you. He spat back to fulfil his vengeance. YOU hurt me. He was taken aback with my statement, like it was a preposterous one. But then his eyes darted to the bruises he left on my arms and his face changed to culpability. Right then, I knew we were two pieces of a different puzzle, because I wasn't referring to physical pain.

The shine that I covered him in, on my mind, was starting to fade. He did hurt me in the way he trembled with the sound of my voice, with the way he pushed me away like I was filthy, with the way he looked at me with rejection, with the way he looked through me like my emptiness swallowed me and I was invisible. With the way he made me think of myself.

I'm sorry about those. He continued to misunderstand. I didn't want to have to make him hear my voice again, so I just looked at the ground and shook my head gently. I should've controlled my strength. He stepped closer, like he was reaching for me. I flinched away; afraid he could catch my madness. He tempted me again, with his words that made me wonder the strength he possessed. But I decided to ask Arvin instead. In reality, Arvin took the shine off you. Every question I wanted to ask; I could ask him. And maybe, he would smile at my curiosity.

Luna... He began. I realised it was the first time he'd called my name. It wasn't sweet like Arvin's. It was crackling, like a fire consuming the logs. Warm. Except, it made my body shiver with coldness.

I refused to look into his eyes, which undoubtedly reflected repulsion. But he sang again. Luna. His warmth started to catch up with my shivers and crackle on my skin. I frowned, because I didn't want to hear it anymore. I know it hurt when... I touched you. But I won't do that again. He misunderstood once more. I didn't pull away because I was afraid to get hurt. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm not afraid of you. I looked back at him, trying to make him understand. For a few seconds, he was silent. Pondering my words, perhaps searching for his own. Finally, he told me I'm afraid of you.

I wanted to keep him. To make him stay by my side. To give me my purpose. So, my next words came out with desperation. I won't tell.

He reached for me again, testing me. I froze in place so he would believe me. He pulled a lock of my hair that was stuck to my lips. Alright. He spoke as if I didn't understand him. I grabbed his arm that reached for me. I won't. I, then, remembered my disease and let go of him abruptly. You won't catch it by touching me. He scoffed with displeasure.

He got it wrong. I didn't hate him. I wasn't afraid of him or what he was. I wanted to know it. To know him. He was everything I ever wanted. I looked for him my entire life. To me... you're precious. Amongst my uncontrolled thoughts, I let one out.

Author's note:

Is Arvin stealing Isaac's place? Will he be able to do it? What do you think?

Thank you for reading, don't forget to vote :)