Darkness

2.13

I didn't have much sleep, that night. I'd already given darkness all of me, for the day. Instead, I sat quietly on my bed, listening to the melodies of the river and its orchestra; the night. From time to time, the recollections of dinner came to mind, some made my cheeks heat, others made my skin freeze. Either way, I pushed them away and embarked on the melody once more. Eventually, it sang me to sleep.

The coldness didn't leave throughout the night and the fog also came for the river's song. The rising sun forcefully tried to peek through it, but its frostiness remained. On that morning, the river's tune was different and that made me curious. I got up from the uncomfortable position I fell asleep in, and looked out of the window. Rain. I cracked the window open slightly and took a big breath in. Rain. I smiled.

It was still very early, all the lights seemed to be out in Arvin's house, since the forest darkness was undisturbed. It made me wonder if he was still asleep, if he'd gone to bed early and what his room was like.

I decided I wanted to feel the rain, even if it froze me. Since I couldn't open the old window enough to put my hand through it, I silently snuck my way outside. I let my fingertips taste it first, and it was cold indeed, but it didn't bother my chilled body too much, so I decided to shower in it. I walked down the few steps off the porch and looked up at the sky, letting the icy fog and cool rain embrace me. My skin awoke with each drop, my bare feet melted into mud and my lungs burned, savouring the fog. I was connected to the Earth. It was cold, lonesome and miserable but it described me. Rain.

What are you doing? Not the voice I desired. I asked him the same question. His mocking smirk fell from its place and was replaced by his pursed lips. A look I knew all too well. Frustration, disdain, secrecy... I had longed for those lips to open and tell me all their secrets. His cheeks flushed also, because they knew I had caught him. I remembered how he also blushed the previous day and I almost screamed for him to wait, when his jacket popped into my head. I ran to the door. Trying my best not to walk in and make a mess, I stretched my whole body to reach for it and, when I finally did, I rapidly closed the door, eager to give him his property so he would hate me a little less. When I turned around, he was staring at me from the bottom of the porch steps, still in the rain, making sure he didn't follow my commands. I took two steps and held out my arm for him to reach for it.

I have more jackets you know? He teased, pulling on the hooded jacket he was wearing. But you like this one. I observed. His cheeks acknowledged again the truth. He pursed his lips once more, probably to stop himself from spitting his truth at me. He took one hand out off his pocket and reached for it. He grabbed it by the collar, where I was holding, and his warmth invaded my coldness a second time, when his soft, melting fingers brushed against my stone-cold ones. His eyes shot up to mine, probably expecting the same reaction I'd had before. But my frozen mind forgot my darkness could reach him. Nonetheless, he did what I should have done and swiftly pulled away from me. He moved his foot back from the step he had to climb to get his jacket, and then took a few more, away from me. You could probably use this more than me. He recognized my frostiness. And I repeated what he told me. I have more jackets you know? He looked me up and down, eyeing my muddy feet and wet clothes I called pyjamas. Yeah? Where are they? He challenged, raising an eyebrow, waiting for my response. I shrugged my shoulders while I told him I didn't need them. You only feel heat? Not the cold? It was a mocking tone, but at the same time I sensed his curiosity. A question arose in my mind: Do you only dink blood, or do you also eat flesh? But I was too afraid to ask. I still wasn't sure if I was ok with losing him. After a few seconds I decided I wanted to keep his curiosity, so I completely disregarded his taunting question. I commented on how big his family was. He looked over his shoulder with disinterest. I told him, how it was just me, back home. I wanted to tell him about my loneliness, but I didn't think he would understand. Arvin would. My observations didn't catch his interest, but he didn't leave either. Was he waiting for my answer?... No. I finally told him. He looked confused. I'm only human. Boring, uninteresting, human... his curiosity was unfounded. I couldn't keep it, you. There were no layers to be peeled. I was simply me. Empty.