I love you (Peter Hayes x reader)

15: "I am brave, but not without emotions!"

Not wanting to deal with that right now you walked off and went to the fear sim room. It was alphabetical so you were near the end. As you sank into a seat next to Peter, between him and Uriah, you shook with tears. Other people thought it was just you being a wussy Stiff about the fear sims but Peter could see something else was up, he mouthed to you, 'Talk later?' you nodded shakily. Then his name was called and he left. Uriah took over, hugging you and rubbing you back. Chris and Will were too busy with each other to notice their best friend breaking down.

You liked Uriah, he was like your big brother and reminded you of Caleb. Oh god, Caleb. You wondered if he knew about the transmitter things Four showed you today. You missed him even after what had happened when you went to visit him. For you it was 'blood (or as close as you had) before faction' even if it was different for others. You watched as Tris fought invisible fears, knowing you were next, stomach turning wondering what fears you would face.

"Y/n Turner!" Eric yelled as Tris left. She had been in there for barley five minutes, actually you thought it was less than that. You tried to remember what Four had told you about the fear sim.

*flashbacks to things Four said*

"They can see your hallucinations on the screens."

"They are hooked up to it, like when we went in together."

"Do it like a Dauntless."

"Be fast."

*end*

One particular interaction stayed with you though.

*Flashback*

"Do it the way a Dauntless would, but be as fast as Divergent."

"Right. If I'm too good they'll kill me, if I'm too slow I'll die."

"Yeah."

"Seams easy." You said rolling your eyes.

*end*

You walked up to the chair and saw a familiar woman getting ready to plunge the needle into your neck, Tori. There was something about her that made needles seem less terrifying. She did all of your tattoos and both your sims.

You sit down, after she injects you she whispers;

"Good luck Y/n. I hope you make it. You remind me of him." You knew that she was referring to her brother.

*flashback*

"My brother was like you. During the second stage he got good really fast. Last day of the simulations, one of the Dauntless leaders came to watch him..." She trailed off. "The next morning, we found his body at the bottom of the chasm. They got rid of him."

*end*

You blink and lie back.

As soon as your eyes open you are in the small box again. The walls aren't coming in but you can hear voices. Suddenly the box is a tunnel and it is only going one way, you start crawling along it, desperate to get out. Soon the voices are louder and more distinguishable but to get there, to get to the next part of the sim you have to crawl flat on your stomach through a very tight passage.

Sucking in a huge breath to calm your racing heart you crawl. You blink away the tears that threaten to fall as the passage gets tighter, you know there is no way you can clam yourself so you must get through this, you will the passage to open up and let you through and it does.

As you climb out you are in another box shaped room this time there is a huge red button and a pipe. You press the button ready for the laughs and the water.

As it fills you think about it like a Dauntless. The pipe! You take off the jacket you seem to have gained and shove it into the pipe soon you are taking a breath and moving on.

A gun. A table. Six figures with unmemorable faces. You grab the gun and walk to the first person.

Your father. You shoot, tears in your eyes. But this is Dauntless. This is who your faction wants you to be.

Next is Tris. You shoot her with ease, hating her with every inch of your being. And then Four. The feelings about Four are mixed right now and you're not sure what is going on. Another easy shot.

After them is Caleb. You choke on a sob. You don't know but he is watching from the outside.

*Caleb's pov*

Everyone is watching the screens as Y/n goes through her sim. She has only been in for a minute, she's damn fast. And she's only had six fears so far and I feel this is her last. The tunnel (claustrophobia), water (drowning), laughter (her friends turning on her), a tall building with a rope she had to jump off (heights), being kidnapped by masked figures (two were strong and muscly but one was petite and femenie, something must have happened to y/n for her to have a specific fear like that) and the shooting. I see her shoot her father, Tris and another man I don't know. The latter two she shoots with ease. The next person is me.

As I watch myself, cowering in front of Y/n I wonder,

'is that how she sees me? A cowering idiot.' I choked on a sob, and I saw her do the same.

Will she shoot? I find myself asking and then thinking, I don't care. But as I say it I realise I know what I truly want. I want her to not shoot. I want her to leave me be because she loves me. Not in that way, just as family. I want her to care as much as I have just realised I do.

She moves away from the sim me and looks at the other two people. Her mother and yet another Dauntless boy I don't recognise. She looks at the boy with love and I can see the heart break as she realises she must shoot him to be Dauntless. She shakes her head and turns the gun on her own head.

"No." She says, I could see the anger burning in her eyes. "I am brave, but not without emotions!" She pulled the trigger and woke up.

*Y/n pov*

You pulled the trigger and woke up in the real world. You were panting and sweating, your face was covered in tears and your throat was raw from screaming. You hear applause and stand.

As you look around you notice a few people in the crowd, Jeanine and Caleb being two of them, Four and Peter being others. Caleb looked at you with adoration and brotherly love. You didn't care what people would think, or what Caleb wanted, or the fact you stank and you were practically dripping with sweat and tears. You ran over to Caleb and threw your arms around his neck, he grabbed your waist and span you like when you were little. You almost laughed. Almost. The looks from Eric, Max, Jeanine, Four and Peter made you think otherwise. Kissing Caleb on the cheek you hugged him once more and walked off.

1149 words

A/N:

Soooooooooooooooooo. There's Caleb. I am trying to decide how to write him in this.

(SPOLIERS)

Like in the next film he's working with jeanine and i'm wondering if i should do it like that or just do my own thing. what do y'all think? wanna hate on Caleb when y/n loves him like a brother or you wanna have two big bros (Caleb and Uriah)?

A/n: (29/04/23)

Can y'all please tell me what you want cus I'm posting the beginning of the new book soon.

Thanks to people who dm ed me and people who commented. I don't think the will work with Jeanine. Thanks guys <3

Love Ocean xx