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Remus was a liar, he realized.
He thought he'd worked it all out, everything everyone had been telling him. James, Sirius, Lily, Dorcas. Everyone had something to say. And Remus thought he'd sorted through it and come to the conclusion that they were wrong. He was fine. Remus was fine. He was dealing with his anxiety, and he was happy with Sydney, and he wasn't less of himself or more of anyone else. He was fine.
He was a liar.
James was the mastermind behind Lily's entire birthday. The decorations, the plan for the day, the party at night. Of course, that meant the party was a party. When James promised a rager, he delivered.
Remus and Sydney made their way down the steps after the party had already started, and the common room was unrecognizable. A stage at the front where Lily and Marlene screamed ABBA lyrics with their wands pressed against their throats; a drinks table at the back where Peter and Sirius stood, racing to be the first to drink from all the cups and stack them like a pyramid; a circle in the middle with James, Dorcas, Alice, and Frank, among others, passing a vial of Veritaserum. Sydney's hand tightened on Remus's, and he looked over to find her watching him with a soft smile.
"We can go back up," she said. "No one's seen us yet."
"Then you'd have changed your dress for no reason," Remus said. Sydney shrugged; her shoulders bare under the thin straps of her blue dress. She'd been nervous to wear it. Usually, she wore dresses with long sleeves that covered her scars. Remus liked seeing her skin. He liked this dress, wanted everyone else to see her in it, too. He continued down the stairs against the screaming voice in his head that begged him not to.
Sydney drank one of Peter's cups for him, to wash down the nerves. Remus did the same, but it didn't work the first time, or the second, or the third. Soon, he was playing for Sirius. The game was easy: drink a cup, use your wand to levitate it upside down, first to make a full pyramid wins. Except, the drunker you were, the harder it became to flip the cups. Sydney offered to drink some for him when Remus became frustrated with his inability to set the second row of cups. Peter had already beaten him twice. Remus wasn't about to lose again.
He lost again.
"I'm gonna go find James," Peter said, taking a step back from the table.
Remus knocked down his unfinished pyramid of cups. "Fuck this."
"C'mon," Sydney said, her fingers brushing his wrist. "We haven't said hi to Lily yet."
"We'll see her later," Remus said. His words came quickly. His head felt heavy. "Let's play again. You can replace Peter."
"Are you sure?" Sydney asked. Remus nodded, grabbing the cups from the floor.
Seven... eight... nine... where was the tenth? Where was the fucking... He needed the—
