Corn Flowers And Guitars

24

Once I started to calm down Mads got me a ride back to the hotel. Austin had to go back right after I was okay because people couldn't wait any longer.

I opened the door to my hotel room and went straight to the bathroom. I took off my dress and heated up the shower. I got in and let the warm water go down my back. I was so tired.

I felt like I was in the shower for an hour until the water got cold and got forced out.

I got my sweatshirt and shorts and put them on. I brushed and combed through my hair. I sat in my bed for a couple of hours just watching instagram. Some people I saw were from back home in Wisconsin having the time of there life doing horse shows and winning classes out of 50 people.

I was mad at myself because I didn't do that anymore. I got to this point once in my life when I was 14 and I thought I sucked. My lease horse at the time wasn't for me anymore and the barn didn't have anymore horses to lease because they were too old. And horses were way over my budget so I thought I was never going to be my friends that had nice horses and could jump 2"6 regularly.

I was mad at my lease horse for not having more energy. I was mad that the girls at my barn who were not as experienced as me, were winning and I was sitting in my room crying because I didn't have a horse that I could grow with. But mostly I was mad at myself.

And now I was watching everything and I just needed a break from acting. I wanted to go somewhere where no one would disturb me. When I felt like this I just would cry for hours and that's what I was doing now.

I started sobbing uncontrollably. About 20 minutes later  someone was knocking on my door. I wiped the tears from my face a tried to look presentable. I walked to the door and opened it.

There stood Austin in his tux that he was wearing at the premier with a small cornflower in his suit pocket. He looked right at me. "Are you okay." By telling from his face he was concerned probably because my face was still red or my eyes were still watery.

"Yeah I'm fine," I said. I felt a tear go down my cheek. Austin moved his hand to wipe it away.  "Do you want to come in," I said. "Yeah." Austin took one step in and started putting his hand on my cheek. "I was worried about you," he said. My eyes were still watery and I felt them almost coming down my face. I missed him so much.

"What about Kaia," was all I asked. "She took a car back to my hotel room," he said. I felt a piece of my heart break a little. "Okay." I started to walk to the little living room in my hotel room. Austin followed. I sat on the couch taking a breath. "How are you I no it's pretty dumb to ask that after you had a panic attack," Austin said. "I'm a little shaky but fine for now," I told him. Austin went around and was now right in front of me on his knees.

"You no you can tell me the truth," he said. Of course Austin was going to see right through me. I shook my head and tears were spilling again. He got up from his knees and hugged me on the couch. Rubbing my head. After a couple of minutes he got out of the hug and looked right at me and kissed my forehead. "You can talk to me," he said while putting some of my hair behind my ear.

I wasn't ready not just yet. " I'm not ready yet." Austin nodded his head. I put my head on his chest just like I always did. He was rubbing my back.

God how was I going to tell him I was just need a break from everything. I no it doesn't seem like much but I've always had a hard time expressing my emotions to people. But when it came to Austin it was a little easier.

I've always bottled my emotions sense I was 13. I didn't no how to reach out to anyone.

I just wanted Austin to keep rubbing my head and kissing the side of my cheek.

Oh my gosh I've actually been writing-Author