murky waters | carl grimes¹

29. clean

"i didn't even recognize myself"

The room Spencer lead to me was like the principal's office back at my old high school. Large bookshelves filled with colorful books lined the walls and one uncomfortable-looking chair faced a black leather couch, a yellow blanket was thrown over it to give it character. The whole scene was trying too hard to look homey and instead, I felt out of place and small. Then there was a camera behind the couch that sat on a tripod. The object made me feel uncomfortable and confused. What kind of a living room needed to be filmed, and what kind of activities were they filming? I didn't like it here. 

Spencer didn't leave me alone, he stood by the archway that lead into another unexplored room, his eyes followed me as I stood awkwardly with the crutches digging into my arms and side as I let my body hang off them. Walking with the crutches made me exhausted, Hershel... I don't know how he did it. 

It wasn't long until a older woman came down the stairs and appeared in the room Spencer was guarding, she wore confident smile on her face as she took me in. She hummed and entered the office-looking living room. "Hello, I'm Deanna Monroe," she introduced herself as she took a seat on the couch. 

There was something professional about her, I wanted to listen to her, like the kind of respect you give a school teacher because you were suppose to. I believe it was the way she presented herself, she sat with her shoulders back, one leg crossed over the other, and her lands tucked neatly in her lap. She rose one of her hands motioned towards the chair that sat in the middle of the room. 

The chair did not look comfortable and that's not the only reason why I didn't want to sit down in it. I didn't like the camera. Why did she need to have it pointed at the seat? What was going to happen that needed filmed? There was so many questions jumbling in my brain that I nearly gave myself a headache. "Do you mind if I film this?" Deanna asked me. 

"Why," I asked back quickly as my eyes followed Spencer who was advancing towards the camera. 

Deanna nodded and raised her hand to stop Spencer from clicking any of the buttons, "we are about transparency here," she explained, "and it sounds like no one made it clear to you how this worked," she turned her head slightly to look over at him. She sighed and shook her head then she turned her attention back to me, "we have a great deal of people behind our walls and when we decide to open our doors to new comers I feel getting to know them better helps determine their residency." 

So this was a test. She was going to ask me questions and then kick me out if she didn't like who I was. I had no faith in this. How would she stand looking at me after hearing who I am and what I have done. If Eric and Aaron thought she would like anyone else in our group they were wrong, some of them were deeper in shit than I was. 

"So, may I film this?" she asked again. I nodded. "Please," she nodded her head towards the chair. Despite not wanting to sit in the damn chair I made myself crutch over to it and lower myself onto the seat. I kept my crutches next to the arm just in case I needed to leave in a hurry. I watched as Spencer clicked a button on the camera and Deanna readjusted herself on the couch. "Please state your name," she instructed. 

"Lennox, Lennox Mays," it felt weird saying my last name. I had no need to in such a long time. Deanna smiled at me and I couldn't help but turn my head and roll my eyes in annoyance. What did she think this whole set up was, a play pretend? You don't do this type of thing in this world, no anymore. 

"Is there a problem?" her question took me by surprise. 

"What?" I asked, I didn't give her much of a reason to believe their was other than being uncomfortable with this whole thing.