murky waters | carl grimes¹

59. hold on tight

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I slumped my back against metal side of the van, my eyes stayed on Denise's body. One of Daryl's arrows still stuck in her eye socket. Her blood pooling slowly on the dirty van floor. Eugene sat huddle in the corner, his eyes trained on his feet as he held his wound, Abraham and him shared a few words but I wasn't interested in hearing their personal conversations. I couldn't help but think about how much Denise meant to Talia and now she was gone. 

Everyone Talia loves dies so quickly in this world. How much longer did I have? She's always coped well with death but would mine break her? If the day ever came where I witnessed her death, I wouldn't be able to recover. I knew that already. The thought of Dean's hands on her made me sick, I was so happy he was dead. I wish we had the chance to kill all of them. How dare they bring Talia in on this war, she was just a child, they should have never involved her. 

"She means something to you," Abraham's demanding voice called out to me, catching my attention when I felt his eyes on me, "yer little one." I gave him a nod to confirm his words, though it was a given. Since the moment he came into my life, Talia had been my focus. "That's why they did it," if there were windows back here, I'm sure this would be the moment where he looked out of it longingly, "and they'll keep doing it, as long as you still got people you care about." 

Abraham and I weren't the closest but I respected the man. He was strong, always treated Talia and I kindly, and he never questioned my authority. He would always make little comments like 'tell her, little mama,' and called me Talia's mother all the time. It was sweet. Despite this respect we had for each other, I still found it odd that he was talking to me in such a manner. Why did he care? He protected Talia while we were out there but he didn't seem like a big kid person. 

"I had two of my own," he picked at his gloved hands, "two pains in my ass," he chuckled fondly, "I remember seeing them, outside the grocery store, those dead fucks eating-" he cleared his throat, looking away, "still... if I had lost them to the hands of living fucks, better bet I'd be snipping some damn balls off 'em pricks." 

I didn't know what to say but I nodded knowing he couldn't see me. "It sucks motherdick that you gotta parent at your age, you didn't sign up for that shit. Those men, they don't know what a parent would do for their child and I applaud you for not ripping their throats out the second you got the chance. Just be prepared to do so in the near future cause cocksuckers like 'emselves won't leave children out of the adult bullshit," Abraham sighed as the van came to a stop. "Now let's get outta here, take care of the ex-doc before yer little girl sees," Abraham pushed off his knees and opened the back of the van as Daryl cut the engine. 

I took one more good look at Denise's body and a deep pain filled my chest. Tara lost her girlfriend today, Talia her idol, Alexandria their doctor, and me... a friend. Denise was one of the only people I trusted Talia with alone since the walkers broke into our home. She had taken care of me multiple times as my dumbass couldn't stop getting hurt. Denise was going to be missed, painfully hard.