Rags To Royals (Royal #1: Book 1) | ✔

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The gift that I promised. I wish I can tag that user here but I don't want to put them in a spotlight. I hope life blesses them with all good things.

-• first dance •-

He holds the stare confidently, like he just didn't barge into my life out of nowhere and wrecked a havoc. I think he loves being a puzzle, he likes having people wonder about him, he feeds on their curiousity. I can feel my heart climbing my throat, my head turning into a mush, as though every part of my body was waiting for this moment, yet now that it is here, it doesn't know how to react.

I feel pathetic.

Janet used to say I seek male validation. As a joke, of course. But I know there's truth in there somewhere. I try hard to impress my male teachers more than my female teachers. I feel better about myself after getting some attention from guys. I try to act more refined and graceful when boys are around. Isn't that why I gave in so easily when they show interest in me? First Sam, second Tarun, then Atharva, and now..... now him.

I don't how I got it. Maybe it roots from the lack of father figure in my childhood. I remember sitting alone most of the time, mulling quietly in my head, whether I was abandoned as a child by my father because I was a girl. Or maybe he just didn't care enough of the fact that he has a daughter. Or maybe, maybe I wasn't enough to keep him around.

It all turned out to be false. Turns out, it was my own mother who separated me from my father. And that he always loved me, still loves me. I guess, that's one of the reasons why I accepted him so readily, why I don't blame him for making me live a fatherless childhood.

Didn't I say parents have this "know it all" syndrome? My mother had it the most. I don't know why she thought keeping me away from my father was the decision she made for my sake. Because I don't remember consenting to it, I don't remember being asked if I want him around, I don't remember being told the truth that he actually loves me and never abandon me as I assumed.

But I won't blame her entirely. Somewhere, I made conscious choices that I know were wrong half of the time. Because it's I who chose to give my first kiss to Sam so he remembers me as a good memory, rather than a bitter one. It was I who forced Tarun to become my friend despite his genuine lack of consent. It was I who sneaked out and went on a date with Atharva because I fancied his interest in me. And it's I, who intentionally chose this theme so I could get to see him again.

My brothers are right. I'm not mature enough to be jumping into relationships this early. How can I be so indecisive about who I like? And in the end, what if they end up being nothing but fleeting feelings? I'm lucky I met nice guys, like Sam, Tarun, Atharva, who are genuine with me instead of taking my advantage for being so naive. But I can't say the same about this man. His presence alone feels like it exists to deceive you.

"Why are you here?" I question him, already knowing the answer, but pretending that I don't.

"You invited me," he leans in, his ebony eyes boring into mine.

I look away from the dark pools. They always render me speechless. "Stop being delusional," the thrill that I feel thrumming into my veins is so palpable that I feel embarrassed about myself.

"Stop lying," he murmurs.

I swallow thickly, but something blocks my throat. Lifting the glass with its stem, I put the rim to my lips and take a small sip. The cool liquid swirls in my mouth, giving me some time to act busy.

From my peripheral vision, I find him watching me, intensely, like I'm a rare phenomenon existing for an ephemeral moment. As if I'd disappear if he blinks.