Idiot {m.c. fanfic}

Chapter 34

The next week went by agonizingly slow. People were constantly trying to hug me and tell me how sorry they were. But I didn't care. There was nothing in this world that could even slightly ease the pain I was feeling over Michael.

The pain. It overwhelmed me. It was killing me from the inside out. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't breathe. Its like Michael was the only thing keeping me from imploding. I needed him.

His funeral was normal. Well, as normal as funerals came, I guess. It didn't do him justice. Hearing everyone talk about him, it made me realize that I was the only one who really knew he was. And he was the only one who knew me. And now I had lost that.

Months went by after that. I graduated high school. I spent the summer in my room doing pretty much nothing. And then I left for college in the fall. On the outside, I suppose I looked like a normal teenager. Even though on the inside, I felt like I was dying.

Things got a little bit better. It still hurt like hell, but I felt like I could breathe again. I was beginning to get used to life without Michael, as much as I hated admitting that.

I hate that feeling I get when I wake up when it all comes rushing back. I hate when something funny or weird happens and my first instinct is to call him but I remember that I can't. I hate going to sleep knowing I'm alone. I hate knowing that I have live out the rest of my life without him.

I still talk to Ashton, surprisingly. We even have lunch together sometimes. I will never get back together with him again but its nice to have someone there. I was able to forgive him for everything even though I thought I wouldn't.

Adley and Luke and I hang out pretty much every week. Its different without Michael there but its still good.

Weirdly enough, I have even hooked up with Calum a couple times since I've been away at college. We're going to the same school so I guess it sort of just happened.

When Michael died, he took a part of my life that I will never get back. And I've just got to accept that. And I'm trying.

God, he was such an idiot. But he was my idiot and that will never change.