ACT I A Fully Dysfunctional Family (S.A.M.S opposites day AU)

13

Content Warning!
Cursing
Mentions of implied
anxiety/self harm

[????? pov]

       I push people away.
   Isolated from the world.
Is it my fault I am so alone?
             Did I do this?

We were happy once.
Before Solar.
     I still remember the day
When
     They saw the scratches on my arm
And asked why
They
Were
There
     I didn't say.
I felt so fucking stupid.
Why were they there?

They knew...

And I left.

I hoped they would forget.
No
No
No
No
No

It was my fault
If I had stayed the way I was they never would have needed to worry.
No
No
No
I had to go ahead

And they worried about me

But they didn't look for me

I wanted to tell them everything I was feeling.

How I felt like I ruined everything, how expectations were always to high for me to meet. They put me down. All they did was criticize me until they realised I was broken.
Stop.
It.
Please.

Pleading eyes.
I told them
It was ages ago, okay? I talked to him about it. I am fine now.

They still fucking worried.
I didn't want them too.
I felt awful.
My day
     Was turned
           Sour
In a moment.
          A single mistake

Because that is all I am really good for.

Mistakes.

That other people have to fix.

Fix.
Nobody can fix me.
Not after everything.
I miss the old times so much.

When me and Moon would mess around with the kids, and Sun would get pissed at them for eating glitter-glue.
Blue was the best.
      Because I'm blue
If I was green I would die.
     [We had a literal business with it and that is when I can look back and laugh at how worried the parents were.]
     Eclipse attempting to re-code the computer we would repeatedly throw paintballs at.
No reason. Just for fun.
      All the soft-play equipment.
      We had even more fun than the kids chasing each other around it after-hours.
     Cosmo would near to always loose, falling headfirst into the ballpit.
Nova would laugh at them.
I miss her.

     I miss that beautiful frame of time when Cosmo and Bloodmoon were there too. And Nova.
       The seven of us.
            Like a family.
                   Together.

I loved them all so dearly.
I still do, I suppose.

Somehow, after everything, I can feel that.

But life moves on.
Even when I am stuck,
Standing still and alone
They are all still moving
Worrying about how
Awful
Their days are bound to be

And then there's me.
Just ready to leave this all behind me.
But of course not.

     All I did
Following me like a shadow.
I can't leave it.
       It hurts them all too

I can do all this, yet I cannot even rid them of myself.

I should be dead.
But I'm not.

     And somehow 'not dead' looks like me curled in the corner of Moon's room, my insides frozen and my heart destroyed.