Miracle P.O.V
September 16th, 2021
9:20p.m.
I found myself rolling up my 3rd wood of the night. After everything Chanel was still mad at me , we still weren't on the best terms. I turned on a movie and just laid back on my couch again. My mind havent really been focused on anything but work so I haven't been on instagram or twitter.
Soon as I open the app she popped up , she looked so pretty , I miss being under her and just being in her presence.
I really don't know what to do with myself so cleaning up will do me some justice. Even though its 9p.m. , nothing stopping it. After I smoke, I put my music on & get all my cleaning supplies out. Cleaning soothes my mind honestly , i'm a little o.c.d I think. Couple minutes later rain starts to pour , its been raining alot here lately, honestly I love it.
My feelings for Chanel scare the hell out of me. I fell so hard so fast but honestly I dont regret it. She's an amazing person who deserves everything. I just want us to have better communication.
I wanna be with her so I gotta go get her. I'm tired of the fighting and the bullshit between us. I grab my sweats and leave out the house. The rain starts falling harder but at this point I was desperate .. I needed her.
I started driving to her house , trying not to run off the side of the road. Love is crazy but I love it. The thought of being inlove , loving someone , and sharing your life with them is exciting for me. I get so lost in my thoughts I made it to her house faster than expected.
Caught off guard , I see another car in her driveway but I didn't think much of it tbh. My heart is racing and pounding out of nerves walking up to her door. I knocked twice , when I look up out comes the girl from the party in a rush. My heart dropped to my ass literally.
She looked me up and down , rolling her eyes at this big ass age. I go in the house to see nu crying , just standing there looking at me. She walked over and grabbed my hand , leading me to the room. We didn't say one word to each other , but I still felt comfortable. I took my shoes off and climbed into the bed , she did the same. I can tell she hasn't been anywhere because criminal minds is on the tv and her clothes are everywhere. Guess it's time to talk.
"Talk Chanel" I say looking at her , she couldn't seem to meet my eyes
I lifted her chin up so she could look directly at me so we could literally just have a grown, adult conversation.
"I know you probably upset with me and confused. So instead of talking and rambling just ask me what you want and I will honestly answer it. Anything to get us back to where we used to be." She said
"Why was she here?" I ask bluntly
"She reached out to me on instagram and said she wanted to talk to me. I was curious about what so I agreed. She came in and we were talking about what happened at the party and I told her nothing could ever happen between me and her because I you are apart of my life and I can't lose you. She has a whole girlfriend and was insinuating that me and her could still mess around because it's a open relationship. I told her I don't get down like that , she didn't respect that and threw herself at me , I guess assuming that would change my mind and she kissed me. I told her to get the fuck out my house, that's when you knocked." She say
"Do you like her Chanel?" I asked her
"Miracle no! All this was complete bullshit that fired back at me because I was trying to be petty towards you. Trying to prove a point that doesn't even matter." She says looking at me
"And what point was that Chanel? Please tell me!" I said raising my voice
"I was angry because I felt like you was stringing me alone just to be nothing! Miracle I was basically living with you, under you every day , didn't make a move without you & I understand the thing with the not wanting titles but I'm doing girlfriend shit with & for somebody when that's not even my place." She says
I just sat there, thinking about what I can even respond with. She's right, I been expecting her do to so much and act like she was mines and when in fact she wasn't. I was dumb enough to almost letting the best thing that has ever happened to me go because truth be told I'm scared. Scared of committing and falling in love with her more.
"Say something.." she said
"Come here" I said, she came and sat in my lap
"I'm sorry that I made you feel like that , it wasn't my intentions. Truth is I'm just afraid of being in a committed relationship. At this big age I know I should be ready but it's just things from my past make me afraid to give someone my all again." I say trying to explain myself
"I understand that , and I understand how your past can make you never wanna love or trust again. Thing is you have to allow yourself to experience new things and to try again. I'm not here to hurt you I promise. Since we've talked about this then I will be more patient" She says calmly
"Thank you for trying with me even though I don't deserve you" I say kissing her cheek
It amazes me that she was willing to try anything just to be close to me or to be with me. I don't think I've ever felt love like that before, it's a new feeling.
AN| This is probably this shortest chapter I've ever wrote lol ! I wanted to put something out since it's the first day of the new year and I been slacking. More coming very soon and thank you for the love and support.
